embarrassing myself for your pleasure

embarrassing myself for your pleasure

I was looking for some really old haiku to post when I accidently stumbled on my old theatre journal from high school. Being the diligent geek back then, I kept copious notes of my feelings about “the stage”, the plays we studied, and other mundane things I didn’t feel weird about having my teacher read.

Inside this journal I’ve discovered the long lost script to the short play I wrote for our senior show (I was in fancy drama in high school – theatre major studies – two hours a day for the hard core drama queens. We got our own shows. It was awesome).

Anyway, I thought that given how terrible this play is, and given that I tortured an audience with it and forced my best friend to play the lead, I would post some of it here as a penance.

So laugh all you want, and be glad you didn’t have to see my awkward staging (yes, I directed the show, too. yikes.)

***
Naked
by 17-year-old Kari, victim of 90’s grunge rock angst

GIRL 1
Questioning life, altering time. The footsteps of my soul leave lasting imprints on your eyes. Talking, swaying in tethered limbs that aren’t breaking. They crack and they squeak, but they don’t break. Maybe now they will break and we will hit the leaves and bury the exterior for good and for always. We will whisper through the leaves, but until we fly free we are tethered to that tree, to the sky, to the world… to ourselves. Abandon all hope ye who enter here, my mind, my workshop, my soul, my everlasting light of freedom so dimmed by reality.

BOY
(shouting from where he sits in the audience)
The Dreamland Warrior is really a small man with silver hair and a rather large pot belly. He is a special man and so are his pet lizards. The lizards live on a red wall in his living room and shout, “Jump over the clay, mommy! Jump over the clay!” They aren’t mean animals, they’re just misunderstood and a bit rebellious. That’s why the Dreamland Warrior must make them eat Oak trees and wear Obsession for men.
(girls off stage chant “eternity, eternity, eternity, eternity”)
Oh dear, time to lose interest in the subject and gain it in another.

***
OK. I’m stopping now because this is just too painful. This should be enough for full penance, though, don’t you think? Oh man it’s so bad, I’m hanging my head in shame and no can even see me.

I’m sorry I didn’t find the old haikus. I’ll look harder next time.

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