oh, great tried to write

oh, great

tried to write haiku
about equal rights, hummers
but they all sucked ass

I was reading the paper today (while the wee one tossed little bits of English Muffin pizza at me from his high chair) and I read the most startling headline. It said:

Estrogen, Dementia Linked

At first I laughed. Then I felt like a traitor to my sex for laughing. Then I felt briefly frightened. Then I was glad to finally have an excuse for my impending insanity. When all of those thoughts dribbled away I was left with a sense of dread. Because if there was ever a headline created to spawn jokes on the late night TV shows, it’s this one. I can hear Jay Leno now…

“So I just saw this headline that said estrogen and dementia are linked. On behalf of all the men out there I can say, ‘duh. We’ve known this for years.'” [insert canned laughter]


“The other day the Austin American Statesman proclaimed that estrogen and dementia are linked. As I’m sure you men will agree, this comes as no shock. What worries me is the mental state of my uncle Bob. Or should I say Uncle Bobara.” [insert canned laughter]

I just wish the estrogen headline had been accompanied with something like “Testosterone, Ass-Scratching in Public Linked” or “Small Prostate, Tendency to Drive a Hummer Linked” Because if the newspaper is going to give late-night comics fodder for making fun of one sex, shouldn’t there be fodder to make fun of the other one, too? I mean, isn’t there a section of the Equal Rights Amendment that says something like “Heretofore all sexes should be stereotyped and generalized equally within all forms of media, not limited to television, radio, cigarette advertising and condom packaging.”

Maybe not.

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