just noticed something
the butts they haunt me
all shapes, sizes and colors
I have a lot of pictures of butts. And I’m not talking pictures of the cute wee butt belonging my toddler. I’m talking relatives’ butts. My butt. My husband’s butt. The dog’s butt. Strangers’ butts. Chances are, if you live in Austin, or if you’re related to me in some way, I have a picture of your butt.
Because of the wee one. As The Most Photographed Child in History, he presides over almost an entire roomful of pictures. Not only that, the computer is full of pictures. I know this isn’t extraordinary. Every baby has a million pictures taken of him. The problem is that I suck as a photographer. I guess I never learned to frame a picture, or to kneel to get a good shot of my kid. Nearly every picture we have of the Wee One (at least since he’s been walking) is of the top of his head and the ass of whoever happens to be standing next to him at the time.
I also don’t assert myself enough while taking pictures. Instead of jumping to the front of the crowd, I lag behind. This means I get a partial shot of the top of my child’s head, and about 42 butt shots of all the people standing in front of me. It’s trouble.
Not only that, but when the people standing next to the Wee One are actually facing forward, I never manage to get their head into the frame. The wee one looks great, standing there with a goat, or chasing after the dog, but the person grinning with him could really be snarling, or, in fact, have the head of a lizard. No one will ever know, because as far as my library of pictures go, they are headless.
The only way I can think of to fix this problem is to inject my son with growth hormones so that he’ll grow taller in a very rapid fashion. The taller he gets, the less buttage our pictures will have.
We’ll stick with the butts. Just know that if you’re ever near me and see me shooting pictures, you better check those panty lines and unsightly stains. Cause your posterior is going down in history.
(side note: the blogger spell check tried to replace “camera-ing” with “Sumerians.” For some reason, I find this hysterical)