retirement watch out for bad


watch out for bad guys
they always seem to know who
is retiring soon

My father-in-law is retiring. Wednesday is his last day at work. Though I’m excited for him I’ve had to issue a note of caution. Anyone who’s watched any movie knows that when you go around saying “Only three days til I retire” it means something bad may befall you. A drug kingpin may rig a bomb to your toilet. You may get caught up in a bank heist. Possibly one of your arch enemies (or their spawn) will reappear and demand that you try to foil their plot to conquer the world.

The last three days before retirement can be very event-filled. Especially if you have to save the world (or even just your hometown). There’s not a lot of sleeping, and you have to keep muttering things like, “But I’m retiring in three days!” while you ride your motorcycle from rooftop to rooftop in search of the commie pinko nuclear weapons specialist who may or may not have stolen some government secrets from your briefcase while you two had an early morning tryst.

I hope my father-in-law realizes what’s in store for him over the next few days. It’s gonna be craaaaaazy.

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