something for crackpots to do?
or signs of future?
Last night, Carolyn from the Apprentice visited me. I had a dream that my mom, the wee one and I were out shopping. My mom was helping me find a bathing suit. Suddenly, the bathing suit store turns into a deli-type lunch counter thing. We walk up to the counter to wait in line and I notice that to my left, Carolyn from the Apprentice is sitting on a bench. I get ready to whisper to my mom to look over at the bench, when Carolyn jumps up and greets my mom like they’re long lost friends. And it turns out they are (in the dream only). Apparently in Dream Land, my mom taught Carolyn everything she needed to know about cleaning houses and it changed her life. Carolyn goes on and on saying that even now, when she gets free time, she cleans rooms at the Comfort Inn.
It gets weirder.
So then Carolyn starts talking to mom about me – about how I’m mixed up with the wrong people. My mom looks horrified and says, “She is?” and she motions to me, where apparently my face has been hidden from Carolyn because I’m holding the wee one in front of me. Carolyn sees me and smiles and says a name I don’t recognize. Then she pulls out three pictures of the same woman, surrounded by tons of kids. The woman is wearing hideously designed clothes and doesn’t look very happy. She kind of favors Mary Louise Parker. Carolyn points to the woman and looks me square in the eyes. She’s all, “Girl you need to hit that.” And I stare at her like she’s crazy and my mom’s eyebrows rise and I can tell she’s thinking, “Why is Carolyn from the Apprentice telling you to date and/or sleep with this woman? You’re married. You have a child!” So I raise my eyebrows back at mom and I’m like, Beats me. And there’s an awkward moment and then the deli turns into a combination Container Store/grocery store.
So the three of us are walking around, pushing a cart with the wee one in the basket (and he’s sitting there, half-way falling asleep, with an orange juice box on his head). Carolyn keeps putting these big, empty glass containers in the cart and I think, “I hope she’s paying for all this stuff.”
Then it hits me – I realize that the woman she was talking about in the picture is Tina Fey. And I start shouting, “Elizabeth Stamatina Fey?! I love Tina Fey! I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up!” And Carolyn from the Apprentice smiles knowingly and I wake up.
I usually have weird dreams, but this one was pretty vivid. And I’m pretty sure Carolyn from the Apprentice isn’t trying to get me to come out of the closet. (Because, nothing against Tina Fey – I really do want to be her when I grow up – I just think I might be very uncomfortable seeing her in her underwear.)
I think this dream might have something to do with my writing. But who the hell knows. I really want to go to the Container Store now, though, and buy a lot of glass containers with white lids.