The Fall of The Gross Belch
let him take the fall
because he was a sad sap
feel kinda bad, though
Hey dude, you probably don’t remember me, because the last time we saw each other was in elementary school. Or was it middle school? I don’t really remember.
I do remember that one time you got in trouble in Kindergarten for using a yellow-green crayon when we were supposed to use a green crayon. You were all, "It’s a special green!" but the teacher didn’t listen. I felt some sympathy for you there.
When you insulted Jason whathisname’s mother, though… that one time during a fourth grade assembly? And then he sneered a few choice words back and you started bawling, screaming about how "He said my mother looks like a chihuahua!" Well, I didn’t have a lot of sympathy for you then. You kind of deserved that one.
What I want to talk about right now, though, is something I need to get off my chest. Remember in third grade when we were standing in line waiting to go to lunch? I think we were in Miss Fink’s reading class at the time. The whole class was in line, and you were standing right in front of me. After a minute or so, I let out a belch like no other. It bounced off the walls like a super bouncy ball.
Remember how Miss Fink snapped her head around and marched over to us? Remember how she grabbed your arm and yanked you out of line? Remember how she yelled at you and said something about this being a last straw? Remember how you pointed at me and said "She did it!" and that made Miss Fink even more mad because you were trying to blame that grotesque noise on one of the nerdy quiet girls? Remember how she flung you into the corner and you had to stand there while the rest of the class marched to the lunchroom?
Well, I’m sorry about all of that. I should have spoken up and claimed responsibility. but I didn’t. I let you take The Fall of The Gross Belch. You always hated me after that, didn’t you?
Ah, well, I never liked you much, either. But I am sorry about that belch. I should have totally taken credit for it. Thinking back, it could have butterfly effected me to Homecoming Queen. You never know.
Anyway, I hope all is well, Stanley, and that you haven’t spent these last few decades taking the fall for other people’s grossness. I also hope you’ve learned the difference between green and "special" green. That’s pretty important.