brain has slowed way down
too many Combos (and beers)
hunger cheesed away

Shut up. I like the official cheese food of NASCAR. That’s not what I want to talk about though.

I have a gift card for $107 to use at the Apple store. There was some drama with crappy ass software and a mouse and I managed to return both and get store credit. not optimal, but more useful than flushing the crappy ass software down the toilet and/or setting it on fire.


What should I get? An ipod Shuffle? Half of an iPod Mini? A printer? An extra battery for the ibook? Dora the Explorer software (and some other software) for the wee one? What do you think?

I’ve already asked and the gift card won’t work online. Also, the Apple store does not sell movies, shoes, haircuts, gerber chicken sticks, diapers or really anything else the family actually needs.

Help me, Obi Blog Readers. You’re my only hope.


The Fall of The Gross Belch

let him take the fall
because he was a sad sap
feel kinda bad, though

Dear Stanley,

Hey dude, you probably don’t remember me, because the last time we saw each other was in elementary school. Or was it middle school? I don’t really remember.

I do remember that one time you got in trouble in Kindergarten for using a yellow-green crayon when we were supposed to use a green crayon. You were all, "It’s a special green!" but the teacher didn’t listen. I felt some sympathy for you there.

When you insulted Jason whathisname’s mother, though… that one time during a fourth grade assembly? And then he sneered a few choice words back and you started bawling, screaming about how "He said my mother looks like a chihuahua!" Well, I didn’t have a lot of sympathy for you then. You kind of deserved that one.

What I want to talk about right now, though, is something I need to get off my chest. Remember in third grade when we were standing in line waiting to go to lunch? I think we were in Miss Fink’s reading class at the time. The whole class was in line, and you were standing right in front of me. After a minute or so, I let out a belch like no other. It bounced off the walls like a super bouncy ball.

Remember how Miss Fink snapped her head around and marched over to us? Remember how she grabbed your arm and yanked you out of line? Remember how she yelled at you and said something about this being a last straw? Remember how you pointed at me and said "She did it!" and that made Miss Fink even more mad because you were trying to blame that grotesque noise on one of the nerdy quiet girls? Remember how she flung you into the corner and you had to stand there while the rest of the class marched to the lunchroom?

Well, I’m sorry about all of that. I should have spoken up and claimed responsibility. but I didn’t. I let you take The Fall of The Gross Belch. You always hated me after that, didn’t you?

Ah, well, I never liked you much, either. But I am sorry about that belch. I should have totally taken credit for it. Thinking back, it could have butterfly effected me to Homecoming Queen. You never know.

Anyway, I hope all is well, Stanley, and that you haven’t spent these last few decades taking the fall for other people’s grossness. I also hope you’ve learned the difference between green and "special" green. That’s pretty important.

later gator,


best part of train ride
realizing that tunnels
do not have monsters

The wee one and I went on an adventure today – we rode the kiddie train down at Zilker Park – Austin’s huge (and beautiful) city park. It was great fun, and the discovery that train tunnels are dark, yet monster-free was quite enlightening for my youngster.

You can click the pics to make them bigger. I just want to brag on what a gorgeous city I live in:






some kids shows suck ass
I hate simpering dinos
and whiny bear cubs

Two days in a row I’ve seen a kid’s show make an Apocalypse Now reference. Not that that’s too crazy – I mean "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" is part of our regular American lexicon now. Of course on Arthur, it’s the smell of hair gel and on Clifford it’s the smell of popcorn. But still. I kind of like it. Even if it’s sort of the muzakization of a movie script.

When the Nordstrom’s piano lady plays the Beatles, it’s weird, but possibly comforting.

When Clifford references a movie about Vietnam atrocities, it’s weird, but possibly comforting, too.

Sure, there’s an insidiousness to it. Sort of a Borg thing, you know… assimilation of everything cool into something bland and appropriate for the masses. But on the other hand, it’s a pretty high compliment to the writer to infiltrate pop culture like that.

So rock on Clifford and Arthur. I’m waiting for some Deliverance quotes now.

the F hole

what the hell was that?
I thought this PBS show
was about farmers

I’m sitting here, typing away, and all of a sudden I hear, "It’s missing an F hole!" in a very jolly voice emanating from the TV.


I look up and a man wearing overalls and a ridiculous expression on his face says, "They use lasers to cut the F hole."

Again. WTF?

I feel confused, as if this PBS children’s show has started channeling the audio of a decidedly non-PBS show from an adjacent channel. But then I see what’s happening. The farmers are at a guitar making place. (Shop? Studio?) The guitars are having their f holes lasered into them.

I just…

There’s so many…

But it’s all inappropriate and then wee one wouldn’t get the jokes anyway.

Tara Reid Moment

So I had on my new underwear and was checking myself out in the bathroom mirror. Contorting my head around to look at my brightly striped ass, I slipped on an Entertainment Weekly haphazardly parked on the tile. One near-toilet-bowl-concussion later, I can say that not only am I hot, I’m very graceful.

so juvenile

no one is too old
to stop enjoying a good
accidental fart

I have already managed to mar my new, white ibook keyboard with dark smudges. Apparently, upon closing the back door I got some kind of grease or graphite on my finger. So I was typing and I noticed, to my horror, a mess all over the keys of my keyboard. I grabbed a paper towel to wipe the smudges off and this is what I accidentally typed while cleaning:


hahahahaha. Is that funny or what?

I am such a 14-year-old boy.