punk ass sofa

dark green was not smart
meant to camouflage messes
now just highlights them

It wasn’t that long ago. My hubby and I were DINKS (dual income, no kids) and we were out to buy some nice, grown-up furniture. We bought a fantastically comfortable dark green sofa, a love seat, one of those chair and a half things, and an ottoman. We even bought coffee tables made of black-stained Ash.

We were almost hip.

We had brightly colored vases.

Our house looked comfortable, but not "college" anymore. Little did we know that in mere months our comfortable, nearly hip furnishings would be all but obsolete. Once the wee one was born and then rapidly mobile, we were forced to treat our lovely coffee tables like works of art – ie: we "lent" them out. Technically they’re still ours, but we may never see them again. We visit them now and again, and we stand three feet back so as not to mar them with our current aura of filth, and we briefly pine for the days of a well dressed house, and then we get over ourselves.

I can deal with the lack of coffee tables.

What I’m having trouble with is the state of the sofa and chair. Don’t even ask about the ottoman. Let us never speak of it.

Turns out that dark green masks nothing – especially when everything your child eats is beige, or white, or psycho-killer red, or neon green. When these things become embedded in the fibers of the sofa, nothing gets them out. Our furnishings have been all but destroyed by frozen yogurt pops. And nothing gets that shit out. Not Oxy, not professional steam cleaners, not plain old hot water… nothing.

Not only that, but I just noticed today that the side of the sofa has a streak. A faded streak where the sun hits it everyday. I actually thought it was a sunbeam, but it’s not. It’s a sun stain. At least I think that’s what it is. it could also be nasty funk that rubs off the dog. That would be cleanable, I guess… but so. gross.

Anyway, there’s no point to this rant. Obviously, I would never trade a fabulous little kid for nice furniture. Though when said fabulous child dumps a "non-spill" sippy cup of milk all over the chair, well, I might consider a trade.

2 thoughts on “

  1. To make you feel better….the bottom shelf of your black coffee table is stained with pee from a certain small, white dog.


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