well, not really, just shopping
Did you know that Amazon sells vibrators? They do! I had quite a grand time the other day looking through the gazillions of options for sale. There’s all kinds of dirty stuff on there.
One thing I didn’t think of, though, was to log off before I did my dirty search. Normally this wouldn’t have been a big deal. No one uses this computer but me, and if my husband decided to do an Amazon search, well, he’s not going to be upset to see full body chocolate sauce as an Recently Viewed Item.
Anyway, after the dirty search, I totally forgot about it. Until my in-laws arrived. And my father-in-law was talking about finding a movie for the wee one. And doing a really quick search online for it.
Knowing he’d probably go to Amazon first, I choked on my pretzels. Then I tried – as inconspicuously as possible – to race him to my computer. Heart pounding, face burning, I quickly brought up Amazon and freaked. My Recently Viewed Items were a hot sheet for everything forbidden by the Pope. And good Lord above – the Page You Made! With everything from the Black Beauty to something called Angel Kisses (!), to assorted flavored oils and whatnot. There wasn’t a respectable Black & Decker "hand massage" anywhere to be seen.
Frantically, I began clicking on non-objectionable things so that my Recently Viewed Items would become much, much more chaste. That was quick and easy. But the Page I made. That was a lot harder (ahem). I opted for Disney movies to erase my depravity. Soon, Black Beauty erased, well, Black Beauty. Pinocchio made an appearance, as did Dumbo and the Little Mermaid.
Feeling much better better about sharing my computer, I had the brief thought that I could have just logged myself out of Amazon and let my father-in-law search from a non-marred version of the site. But I don’t think of reasonable ideas very quickly. I tend to take the more difficult path.
Anyway, just as I was ready to relinquish my computer, I clicked one last time on The Page You Made and much to my delight I saw a list of g-rated Disney movies.
With K-Y Warming Liquid right in the middle of them.
In my desire to look less like a horny housewife I became a Disney-watching pervert.
I just left it there. I figured it would make good dinner conversation.
My father-in-law went to BestBuy.com anyway.