I thought "arm" or "leg" would offend people

am v. v. busy
laptop becomes like brain, spine
indispensable

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bragging

drills, fillings and shots
apparently not scary
like Nemo or bugs

I need to take a moment and gush. My wee one – the same wee one that squeals and stands on a chair when he sees a spider across the room – just went to the dentist, had a cavity filled, and didn’t cry, whimper or wiggle AT ALL.

!!!

I don’t know whether to be proud or just a little bit afraid. He was so brave! Is he an alien? Cause mama ain’t brave at the dentist. Nuh-uh, no sir. Mama freaks her shit at the dentist. She turns red and splotchy. She sweats. She whimpers. And that’s just for cleanings.

The wee one wore his sunglasses so the overhead light wouldn’t be bright, and he clutched his Buzz Lightyear doll to his chest, and he just peacefully stared at the ceiling while the dentist drilled away. He didn’t even need the nitrous!

!!!

I, on the other hand, was a nervous freaking wreck. I thought I was going to be the first mom ever to pass out watching her kid get a cavity filled. There wasn’t even any blood – it’s just seeing him laying there with the lip-spreader thing in his mouth, and his tiny little feet laying on the chair… oh it was so worse than being in the chair myself.

He was wonderful. Marvelous. I don’t even know how to express how proud I am of him.

WEE ONE, YOU ROCK MY WORLD!

awesome

Thing about dinner
it should not be able to
run off of your plate

What’s the only thing better than ruining an entire bushel of homegrown okra, set to be fried up in cornmeal and peanut oil? Having your mom – who is in town visiting – try to help you batter said okra, only to discover that your cornmeal is FULL OF CREEPY CRAWLY BUGS.

FANtastic.

Huzzah!

it’s hard to believe
that we are old mamas now
boy howdy time flies

My best friend had her baby today! Wee Nicolette Rae was born at 5:15 this afternoon. 7 lbs 20 inches. Only 6 hours of labor and one push, can you believe that?

Even harder to believe is that just a handful of years ago my friend and I were angsty college students, pining over boys and life and mid-terms and roommates. We were silly girls, driving around in an old Mazda Protege, making eyes at boys at red lights and talking about how we were going to change the world.

Now we’re both happily married mamas. And she has two girls! It’s so crazy how fast these things happen. I guess on paper, our lives seem mundane. We haven’t become famous actresses or writers (though we’re working on it). We haven’t cured cancer or invented a miracle product (though we’re working on it). We have created the most beautiful children, though. And as cheesy and hokey and sparkly denim skirt wearing as it sounds, creating these babies is by far the best contribution to the world either of us could have ever made.

I can’t wait to add more babies to the brew.

I still can’t believe she has two now! Two! A twenty month old and a 3 hour old. Two! It’s makes me cry for how lucky she is. I have to stop typing now before I get too mushy. The cynical, foul-mouthed, self-obsessed haiku of the day will be back tomorrow. Right now I have to go plan out a week’s worth of meals to bring over to their house. How does a HoneyBaked ham sound? Cholesterol-laden casseroles? Lasagne? Potato salad? It’s the perfect time to whip out all those southern church cookbooks and just go freakin crazy.

TWO! 

exhaustion

day at the dentist
wee one has a bang up time
mama is just beat

I’m too tired to talk about about this. Suffice it to say:

wee one first visit to dentist
he did not freak out! Yay!
he did have a cavity. Boo.
we have to go back. Boo.
they want to gas him. Boo.
they won’t gas me. Boo.
he got a Darth Tater for being so good. Yay.
I have to spend two months role-playing dentist drills so he won’t freak next time. Boo.
wee one is napping. Yay.
mama is not. Boo.

goggles

eye of beholder
or can you chalk it up to
beholder’s hormones?

I know you’ve heard of beer goggles. Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s such a thing as ovulation goggles. Seriously. Have you ever seen someone so hot to trot that you lose all speech function and/or the ability to correctly interpret your own sexual orientation? And then a few weeks later you see the same person and you’re all, "What? THIS is what freaked me out for a week?"

I blame ovulation goggles. When you ovulate you find almost every single living person desirable in the most embarrassing ways.

This is why I think models marry haggard-looking rock stars. The rock stars manage to impregnate the models during the models’ "ovulation goggle" time of month and BAM, you have a rocky celebrity marriage for the rest of us to ponder.

Anyway, just something to think about. Or not.