cul-de-sac under siege

big ol’ ugly van
I hated you for a while
now you sort of rock

My neighbor has this ass ugly white van he parks in front of his house. It’s all ratted out and beat up and rusty and it leaks oil and makes a huge mess everywhere.

Mostly I hate The Ass Ugly Van.

But today I noticed it has a bumper sticker. As I drove by, silently cursing the Ass Ugly Van, I saw Steven Seagal! And his hair (almost as oily as the road under the van) was pulled back so tight I couldn’t tell if his squinty eyes were from the tightness of his ponytail, or because he was, you know, "acting" mean. Next to his slit-eyes and pursed lipped grimace are the words, "No Compromises" in white letters. There are other words, but they’re too small for my blind eyes to read.

Now my conundrum is, do I sneak over to the neighbor’s house and take a picture of the bumper sticker for you all to enjoy? It’s a risk. If I’m busted taking a picture of The Ass Ugly Van I don’t know what will happen. These are the Gribble neighbors after all. But they aren’t in their garage watching NASCAR right now, so I think they may not be home.

I really want to share the Steven Seagal bumper sticker. But do I have the courage? Maybe I should go watch Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and take some notes.

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