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once upon a time there was a girl named Molly. She had really big teeth. The kind of teeth that are so big you kind of want to offer her a toilet paper roll to chew on. Molly was the kind of kid who really liked other kids. She would sidle up next to them on the bus and launch into her whole life story. The other kids usually stared out the window and ignored her, but this never really bothered Molly. She was just happy to be sitting next to another person. Well, another living thing. Technically, Molly wasn’t a person at all. She was a


13 thoughts on “

  1. …mistake, according to her alcoholic mother, Brandy. The drunken stupor that was Brandy’s 7 month pregnancy with Molly had left Molly with her abnormally large teeth, thin hair, and less than average learning ability. When Molly wasn’t being beat by her mom, or one of her mom’s many boyfriends, she was being ignored. But Molly, more clever than her mom would ever know, was planning to get back at her mom for all of the years of abuse she had suffered. One day while riding on the bus, talking endlessly to the poor boy sitting next to her, she realized that he


  2. was the key to everything. This boy was going to make her life change into everything it should be from the very beginning. Why this boy? This boy had a slightly mishappenly shaped head, and a very recessed chin. But he was happy, and his parents loved him move then anything else in the world. She decided right then she would


  3. get a tutor to help her with the tough subjects, because more than anything in the world, she knew that her calling was to go to medical school so that she could fix this boy’s head and chin…and then focus her life on saving other kids from the horrible taunts that she and others had experienced daily in the schoolyard. she would become a plastic surgeon. but the life of a surgeon was not without difficulties. she became a workaholic. had no time for laundry. and it began to pile up. at the point at which she could no longer find her way through her house due to the dirty clothes it occured to her that


  4. her evil, old, invalid mother might actually be buried somewhere in the guest bedroom under a pile of debris. Molly had been so busy working for one of those scary, yet heartening makeover reality TV shows that she’d forgotten her mother had moved in with her.
    “Shit.” Molly said, picking up an old shoe of her mom’s. “Is that bitch still


  5. around here?”
    Molly figured it didn’t really matter one way or the other, because quite simply, she didn’t care. Making other people happy made her happy, and if her crazy old witch of a mother was unhappy, well, no one could fix that so why should she bother trying? After all, she had tried for her entire childhood and it had done no good, and now she was at the ripe old age of 9 with her entire


  6. body nice and smooth with silky underwear. Damnitt I got my silky underwear cuaght on my bracelet. Hmmmm I wonder how it could have done that?


  7. she wondered. “For one thing I’m allergic to silk so I can’t even wear silk underwear. For another thing, I can’t wear bracelets because they interfere with my delicate surgical techniques.” Molly shook her head and decided to get some dinner. Her brain was starting to make up weirdly inappropriate things.
    It was hard to be a 9-year-old plastic surgery/reality TV prodigy. Especially now that


  8. she was expecting triplets. Molly pined for the old days when she was younger and constantly ignored my her mom. Now, she was tired all the time, her feet were swollen, the public hated her latest tv show, and she knew it would be hard raising 3 kids on a plastic surgeon’s salary. The phone rang


  9. and it was the adoption agency. they’d found a family for all three of her babies-to-be. and…because they’d heard about her mixed up sorry ass life-up-to-now…and had oodles of money and love…they offered to adopt her too! it sounded too good to be true! but this family had promised that she would have maid service! no more dirty laundry! and unlimited weekend and evening minutes on her cell phone! but more importantly, this family promised her that her kids would never have to set foot in an evangelical church. wow…an offer she couldn’t refuse…or could she?


  10. After all, it was the evangelicals that had got her started in the plastic surgery business in the first place. If it hadn’t been for all those TV preachers wanting to get rid of their pouchy eyes and sweaty armpits, Molly might never have discovered her calling.
    But a family! And a maid! And all those minutes with no roaming! Molly patted her belly and


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