the big stink

accosting nostrils
fragrant plumes waft through the air
can that be fruit loops?

Yesterday I was standing in my driveway, hauling groceries out of the car, when I was accosted by a cloud of stink. I whipped my head to the right and left but I saw no one. The thing is, though, the waft of stink was definitely of the perfume variety. And not the fresh, "would you like to try a sample?" variety, but the "I’ve been wearing this all day and the chemical structure has been altered and now I smell like your elementary school librarian" variety. But there was no one. That means whomever was responsible for the smell was wearing such an excessive amount of fragrance that she left this massive stinky cloud in her wake. Either that or the atmosphere is so polluted that it is now creating air-freshener smelling invisible fog.

My long-winded point here is that a whole lot of stuff stinks. And the thing is, it stinks because it’s trying to cover up another stink. Perfume, deodorant, air freshener, spray for your sofa, floor cleaner, those things that spritz public bathrooms ever 3 minutes, etc. Granted, sometimes the stink cover-upper helps, but most of the time it just makes the stink ten-times worse (artificially scented cedar chips that cover up vomit, anyone?).

I’m guessing this obsession with stinkifying natural stink is an American thing. I know that other countries don’t worry so much about deodorant, but I’m not sure about other countries smell hiding measures. Sometimes I would really, honestly prefer to smell a person’s sweat than to be choked to death by $4.99 cologne.

Of course, to completely contradict myself, I really hate going to Costco lately. It smells only of armpits and angry people. It makes me nauseous. Maybe if it smelled of armpits and relaxed people who were all on vacation it wouldn’t be so bad, I don’t know.

Alas, I contradict and ramble on. Just feeling cranky today, I guess. I could keep going but I have to go spray my armpits, febreeze my sofa, and then go buy $17 worth of Snickers bars at Dante’s bulk store level of hell. 😛

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