I thought those segways
were supposed to solve this shit
where’s my damn prius?
Here’s a transcript of the conversation I had with my budget this morning:
"Hey Budget, how’s it hangin’?"
"Everyzing eez fine." (I don’t know why my budget has a French accent.)
"I have a question for you…"
"Hurry up wiz it. I haff to reconcile your reckless Amazon.com purchase."
"Um, right. Well, I was wondering if it would be OK for me to spend a little more than $80 a week for gas?"
(Budget spits out his french decaf) "WHAT?! Zis iz not in me! I haff no wiggle room for zis!"
"I know, and I’m really sorry, but what can I do? My hubby has to go to work. I have to get out and buy groceries…"
"Grozeriez?! You will not be eating grozeriez if you spend the $80 a week for petrol!"
"Seriously. Is there anything you can do? Any way to manage at all?"
"Say gootbye to Netflix, sweethart. Bye-Bye Netflixy. Bye-Bye to zee name-brand lunch meats. Bye-Bye to zee soft TP. Bye-Bye to keeping zee house at zeventy-eight degrees during zee day. Zen maybe you are haff-way zere."
*sigh* "You’re a pain in the ass, Budget."
"At least you ztill haff your ass to have pains in."
"Excellent point, Budget."
"Mmm-hmm. Now go away. I haff a lot of work to do."