you remember Hal?
he was a computer, right?
he was the devil
Dear Horrible People Who Created Self-Checkout,
Hi. I just wanted to send a little note to let you all know how much I HATE YOU. I don’t know why you thought self-checkout was a brilliant idea. I don’t know why your marketing people thought that pissing off every.single.customer. would be better than, oh, I don’t know, paying some surly kid minimum wage to piss us off.
Would you like to know, specifically, why self-checkout makes me want to hunt you down and set your brain on fire?
1) Having a computer shriek at me – in extremely loud volume – "Remove unscanned object from the bagging area!" and then, immediately after I remove the item, shout at me, "Do not remove any objects from the bagging area!" And then continue in this "he said she said" shouting match with itself until an aforementioned surly teen pushes a button from her little turret-like station in the midst of all the self-checkouts – well – THAT MAKES ME CRAZY.
2) Having to scan and rescan and delete and force cash into a slot and fight with a surly teen about my right to buy alcohol and then get shrieked at by a computer demanding me to take my receipt. Time? Not saved.
3) Your revenues do not increase when you piss off every customer you have. Sure, you may save the money you’d ordinarily pay a surly teen, or a single mom, or a retiree, but you lose any money I (and the quadzillion others like me) might spend at your store.
So what are the lessons this letter is trying to teach you? Self-checkout = The Devil. Self-checkout = No time saved. Self-checkout = No money saved. Self-checkout = unhealthy cortisol surges in already stressed out mothers and old people who have bad hearts.
Please, please Horrible People Who Created Self-Checkout, rethink your "gift" to modern society. It sucks. People hate it. Now please call me so I can dictate this letter to you, you can write it out yourself, you can address the envelope to yourself, you can lick your own damn stamp, affix it, and you can mail it downstairs in the mailroom so that it will be delivered to your desk in a few minutes.
Boy, THAT sounds convenient, doesn’t it?