Category 7!

oh yeah bad TV
how can you resist this mess?
tv movies rock

8:48 – I tried resisting this, but after all the frogs went crazy at a DC function and starting killing people, and then the Pyramids – THE PYRAMIDS – were destroyed, I had to begin the liveblog. I don’t know if I’ll make it through the whole show, but I’ll try to give a plumper, healthier looking, overly permed Shannon Doherty, and a flat-haired, juicy-lipped Gina Gershon, and a most awesome Randy Quaid, and Nicholas Lea from the X-Files (with weird fake facial hair and an affinity for Swoozie Kurtz), and about a brazillian more characters my best shot.

8:57 – Oh, it’s the guy I hate. The guy from Picket Fences and the ibuprofen commercials. What’s his name. I HATE how he says ibooopofrin. It’s like his mustache has paralyzed his upper lip.

8:59 – Gina Gershon has quasimodo’s hump hiding in her hair.

9:00 – Uh-oh – here comes a plague! Flies! Or bees! Or bees that used to be flies!

9:02 – did you know that 30 miles south of detroit means that you need to use a satellite phone? I had no idea Michigan was so rural.

9:04 – I love that there’s a tornado coming and the TV trailer park people are saving their pink flamingos instead of, you know, their kids. And a car just blew by but the trailer park guy’s trucker hat is still sitting squarely on his head.

9:07 – I think that Randy Quaid and Shannon Doherty are the new IT couple for action movies. Can anyone say "Romancing the Stone" remake?

9:14 – I totally don’t get the televangelist angle to this show. I dig Swoozie. And James Brolin has some supreme fake teeth here, but wtf? Are there not already 17,000 characters to keep track of? OK. Wait. Swoozie let the flies loose? So more people will turn to God? Yeah. I don’t get this part.

9:17 – You know the Chicken Little commerical where the animals are playing dodge ball and a bunch of dodgeballs get caught in the spikes of a porcupine? That porcupine is what James Brolin’s hair looks like.

9:29 – Man. I’m having Category 7 The End of the World in my stomach right now.

9:31 – Sooo, James Brolin’s teeth have decided to hold a big Billy Graham special in the middle of a tornado? I still don’t get this sub plot.

9:35 – James Brolin’s teeth! Electrocuted! Now he really DOES look like that porcupine! I could have told him a Billy Graham special in the middle of a category 6 tornado (whatever the hell that is) was a mucho bad idea. Now Swoozie is single and Krychek can pork her. *shiver*

9:40 – Really? Cindy Crawford furniture? Well, maybe. If the sofa is made of moleskin Haha. Yes. I’ll be here all night.

9:46 – Wait. Wait. The head of FEMA has to stay in DC where a category 5 hurricane is about to hit? That doesn’t seem quite right.

9:51 – diagrams! Forget the frongs, we’re being attacked by the mesospehere! This guy draws shitty diagrams.

9:53 – Can you tell I’m losing steam here? Much like a heat island colliding with the mesosphere.

9:56 – The weather dude for my CBS station says we’re having unusually warm weather. OH NO. REAL LIFE MIMICS TV.

9:58 – "Say hi to your storm for me" If only she would have said this in a Biff voice.

10:02 – Kidnapping terrorist bad guys have stolen the main character’s children! Just what we need. More characters! More sub plots!

10:04 – Randy Quaid is spry. Especially since a mere few hours ago he had a neck brace and casts on all four limbs.

10:06 – "If those two storms collide and our heat island collides with the mesosphere…" Well, if that’s not a to be continued line, I don’t know what is.

Stay tuned til next Sunday, folks. Shannon Doherty may have bitten it via the Statue of Liberty’s flying arm. But I doubt it.

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