this morning

blindness is funny
when it isn’t dangerous
or, uh, in bad taste

I woke up at some ass early time this morning (when it was just barely light outside) because I had to pee. So I staggered out of bed, sat on the toilet and what do I spy right by my foot? ANOTHER SCORPION. I pick up a magazine and smack the shit out of it. Then, after I’m done going to the bathroom, I stand on the magazine and jump on it for extra emphasis. At first I feel slightly bad about karma and all of that, but then I reason that I killed off this scorpion’s mate a few days ago, so at least they’re together in scorpion heaven.

I leave the magazine on top of the squished scorpion and decide it will have to stay there all day so my hubby can throw it away when he gets home, as I don’t want to accidentally sting myself and the Gestator with a dead scorpion.

A few hours later the wee one is awake and he wants to go potty in my bathroom. I tell him to mind the magazine because there’s a dead scorpion under it. This, understandably, freaks him out a bit and he no longer wants to go potty in my bathroom. But my MIL is in his bathroom. And will be there. For a while. So I reason with the wee one and offer to show him the smushed scorpion as proof that it can no longer terrorize us. So I carefully lift up the magazine and I carefully avert my eyes, because even a squished scorpion is enough to give me the heebie jeebies for days and I just got rid of them from the LAST scorpion adventure.

The wee one says, "THAT’S a scorpion?" and I open up my squinched eyes and peek around the magazine. I have smacked and stomped and killed a pile of red string.

This is what happens when you pee at an ass early time in the morning and you don’t have on your glasses. You kill string. Oh well.

My eyes may suck, but at least my karma’s OK.

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One thought on “

  1. WONDERFUL story, and perfect sequel to previous scorpion entry!! I needed a laugh, thank you!
    In a related story, my husband likes to tell the story of the time (when he lived with his parents) that he came home very late, and so not to wake his family, he left the lights off….he carefully went into his bedroom, took off his shoes, and stepped onto something HUGE, squishy, and full of tentacles. It turned out–after the rest of the family woke up anyway to his shreik–that his younger sister had been playing in his room, and left her Koosh Ball in there….

    Like

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