bad guest

eating all your food
stealing best chair in the house
I am evil guest

Here’s why you don’t want me to be a guest at your house while I’m pregnant:

1. I monopolize the bathroom. I’m in it all day and all night. And when I’m not in it, I’m very anxious that whoever else is in it is taking too much time because I need to be in it.

2. I steal the comfy chair. When the comfy chair is offered, I will take it instead of politely letting the host keep his throne. I will not only take it, I will hog it, and only leave it to go to the bathroom.

3. I will eat all your food. Any chips you may have, oatmeal, cookies, cheese, pretty much anything I can get my hands on. I will hoover it up and pretend to be sorry about it, but I’m not.

4. When asked what I want for dinner I will come up with a strange and complicated idea, like popcorn and steak with pasta on the side. And then when it’s painstakingly prepared something will happen and I won’t want to eat it.

5. I won’t let you make bacon because it stinks up the house for days at a time and the smell makes me gag.

There are others, but I think you get the idea. So, for everyone who invites me to their house over the next few months, I will say sorry in advance. I am a sucky guest right now. But your hospitality is greatly welcomed.

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