emerging from the rabbit hole

breathing is so nice
not overrated at all
and it’s healthy too!

In my attempt to use every prescription medicine known to man while I’m pregnant, I have now entered into the world of Albuterol inhalers. With a spacer for maximum bronchial happiness.

Because of the Virus That Won’t Die, last week I had an exciting few days of not breathing. I am now enjoying an exciting week of inhaled steroid-induced rage attacks. Fun for the whole family!

Just a few days ago I pelted the dog with the Benadryl tablets he refused to take, and then I almost, almost, shoved them up his butt so he could lick them out and at least get a time-release version of his meds.

Since then I’m learning to calm the rages and to try to not have breathing problems that require the inhaler before I drive. I have normal, non medicine-induced rage when driving, so the added insult of steroids could turn me into a full-on pregnant sociopath on wheels.

I hope that my rage (and all the evil drugs I’ve taken in the past few weeks) aren’t harming my tiny girl. The doctors assure me all is safe. But Jekyll and Hyding all day doesn’t seem like the best way to grow a baby.

Oh, and as an interesting side note, the Typepad spell check tried to replace "Albuterol" with "Albatross." Albatross, indeed.

Now stop reading this before I kick your ass.

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We have a vagina!

ultrasound confirms
definite lack of penis
hope she likes boy clothes!

Oh man. I’m excited and freaked all at once. Just when I thought I had a handle on this little boy thing…. eeek!

free dog to good home

dog. can’t live with him
but can’t just give him away
wee one would be pissed

I am at the point where I would like to give away my dog. I won’t, of course, because the wee one wouldn’t stand for it, and also because somewhere deep deep deep down inside I might have an inkling of possible kindness I still feel for this damn dog.

If I were to give him away, though, here’s the ad I would post:

FREE DOG TO GOOD ANY HOME

35 lb. mutt answers to the name of Newman or "godDAMNit."

Likes:
– Shaking his head and scratching the crap out of his chronically infected ears
– Taking a huge diarrhea dump on any new rug in the house (and then costing you $100 for the subsequent vet visit where the vet says there’s nothing wrong with him except for, of course, his ears).
– fetching tennis balls and then, instead of returning them, sitting out in the yard and eating them.
– barfing up said tennis balls on any new rug in the house
– licking babies until their skin is dry and chapped (but only after spending the afternoon licking his own butt)
– licking his butt
– $40 prescription dog food for "allergic dogs who require re-sized protein molecules to combat their allergies"
– did I mention the shitting on the carpet?

Dislikes:
– sleeping through the night without whining or shaking head or pooping at least once
– being outside for longer than 4 and a half seconds
– sleeping anywhere except on the master bedroom’s new, clean sheets
– actually eating any of the $40 prescription dog food for "allergic dogs who require re-sized protein molecules to combat their allergies"

Give me a call if this sounds like to dog for you! We’ll really miss him but he, uh, needs room to run and, uh, we don’t have the space. Right. No space.

What do you think? Should I post it on craigslist?

drugs

sick? go to doc.
doc says something else is wrong
get meds anyway

The wee one was sick last week. Full on barfing from coughing too hard, running a fever sick. And he’s never sick. So I dutifully took him to the doctor. The doctor suspected the flu. But after awaiting the ten minute test results from a snot swab, everything was cool flu wise. He gave the wee one a full going over and asked if his ears hurt, etc. Pretty much everything hurt on the poor kid except his ears. I guess that’s why he had a double ear infection. Wtf? So five days of Zithromax later and here we are. The wee one is better (though he spent the five nights he was on the meds having horrible, scary, scream out loud nightmares) and now I have the dreaded funk. My hubby has it too. We are miserable. And the wee one has a week and half’s worth of pent up energy and no sleep turning him into a 40-inch cyclone. And school is canceled tomorrow. And the sinus pressure? Like a fat ass elephant slamming its big butt right up on my cheek.

Anyway. There is no point to this post except that I don’t want to go to bed yet. But I better get going. Otherwise my husband will fall asleep first and he will start snoring and I will have to kick him repeatedly and then blame it on the sheets.

urgh.

nothin fancy

My author profile is up on amazon. It’s part of the new "Author’s Connect" program they have, which sounds cool in theory (authors interacting with readers and blogging about their books, etc.) but Amazon’s Terms & Conditions say they retain all rights to everything you write on the site, so many authors aren’t too crazy about getting very creative on Amazon. It’ll be interesting to see how it works out and how popular it becomes.

gotcha

just looking for help
no need to get all judge-y
little miss no kids

The other day I called the doctor’s office because of some contractions I was having. The nurse I talked to said, "Well, this is your second pregnancy… you’ll be more irritable this time."

And I was all, "Tell me about it! All I do is yell at the dog – all day long."

Long pause.

"I meant your uterus will be more irritable."

Oh, riiiiight.

We had a good laugh and then I yelled at the dog for making me call the nurse.