big blue butt squisher
you are now my BFF
and my crotch’s too

You just don’t know how sexy you are until you get a giant neon blue belt to wear around your hips – on the outside of your clothes (because it’s so bulky). I went to the physical therapist yesterday to get some help with the pelvic drama, and he not only gave me this super hott belt, he showed me how to strum my groin ligaments like a guitar. That was an intimate moment.

I also found out that my entire body is leaning to the left. The Leaning Tower of Pregnant. Not much to do about that right now, though, except to sproing my left groin ligament more than the right one.

You know what was amazing about the PT visit? The therapist asked me to stand with my back to him and then he asked me to march in place. Finding this excruciating, I calmly said, "Uh-uh." Then he kneeled down, firmly grabbed my hips and squished them together as hard as he could. Then he asked me to march again. It didn’t hurt! I asked him if he wouldn’t like to fashion up some kind of radio flyer he could ride in and I could attach it to my backside like a little trailer and he could just smash my hips together all day, but that’s when he gave me the sexy belt. I guess the belt is easier to manage. It doesn’t work as well, though.

How strong do you think the Wee One is? Could I get him to follow me around all day squishing my hips together? I bet you a million dollars that if Elton John could get pregnant he would totally have a little ass-smashing person follow him around every where he went.

Maybe I should put an ad on Craigslist.

One thought on “hott

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