no baby today

thank-you but no thanks
will let nature take her course
take that you pelvis

I’ve decided against the induction. It was literally five minutes before we needed to leave this morning when I finally made a decision. I know it would have been convenient for everyone to just go ahead with it – the baby would be here today and we’d most likely be home by the end of the weekend. My doctor would have been able to deliver her, etc. etc. But I just couldn’t do it. If it’s not medically necessary I don’t want the pitocin, even if I’m grumpy and complain-y all day, every day for the next week while I wait for everything to get started on its own.

I didn’t feel like emotionally I was ready to demand the baby be born today. That sounds kind of silly, but I have this strong feeling about not forcing her into the world until she’s ready. Of course, this is the same person who took clomid and HCG shots to help conceive said child. So it’s not like I’m anti-intervention.

The nurse was shocked when I called to cancel. And then the hospital called to make sure I canceled. I guess they don’t get a lot of cancellations for inductions. Oh well. I feel good about my decision. I would have loved to be snuggling my new babe by this time tomorrow, but not if it was going to possibly cause unnecessary interventions and extra pain.

So that’s the story. I feel weird, but good. I feel a little like I’ve let a lot of people down. But I hope that’s not true.

Impatience? Prudence? No, these aren’t names we’ve chosen

all tucked up inside
is she comfy or just stuck?
probably comfy

Well, the choice is upon us. To induce or not. I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning to induce, but I’m free to cancel it at any time. I didn’t want to make the appointment in the first place because I was sure she’d be born by tomorrow, but it looks like my maternal instincts were off by a bit (heck, I thought she’d be born three weeks ago!).

The induction won’t be for medical reasons – I mean, there’s nothing bad happening that requires us to force her out of her womby nest. We know she’s big… probably in the 8-9 pound range, but there’s no way to know exactly how big. The wee one was 8lbs 7 oz, so the fact that this gal is a biggun isn’t a surprise, and it it isn’t really a factor in my ability to push her out, at least I don’t feel like it is.

The induction would be for my comfort, the comfort of my pelvis, and the fact that my doc is on call tomorrow and then out of town all the next week, so I’ll end up with the on call doc if I don’t go tomorrow. I don’t really think that’s a big deal – I had an on call doc when the wee one was born. Of course I also had an episiotomy that didn’t heal for 8 months, a tear, and a vacuum extraction. Who’s to say it would have been different with my doc? I don’t know.

Then there’s the whole pitocin thing. I’m already at almost 4 cm and 80% effaced, so my doc says we won’t need a lot of the stuff to get the show going. And he thinks the baby will be born in just a few hours. Of course he’s the one who’s been telling me for THREE WEEKS she’ll be born any second now, so I don’t necessarily believe his sugar plums and daisies prediction of a four hour labor and delivery.

I’m not crazy about doing pitocin. Though I had it with the wee one, once they found meconium, and honestly, it wasn’t that bad. Of course, I also had an epidural. The epidural worked well enough to take the edge off, but I could feel everything from when to push to when the slice was made for the episiotomy. That didn’t really bother me, though. I was happy to not be completely numb – to feel the amazing process of birthing a baby. But I’m afraid I had some kind of strange and rare and mystical pitocin/epidural /birthing experience and this time it will be a nightmare if I willingly invite the pitocin.

Ah, well. I guess I won’t be able to make a decision until the very last second. But I’m definitely conflicted, and I don’t want to cause my wee gal any permanent emotional scarring by forcing her into the world if she’s not ready yet. Is that silly? Then again, I also would really like to be able to move my legs again. And to meet my baby girl. Ah, impatience. Maybe that should be my name.

vroom vroom

humping Volkswagen
whatever gets the job done
doc says to try it

to induce or not
it shouldn’t be so tempting
yet it really is

five days til due date
not enough Zantac to last
the heck will I do?

nursery: all set
cervix: is raring to go
baby: just chillin’

Grumpy and conflicted: the trials of being 400 months pregnant

countdown has begun
my prediction of early
oh so laughable

My due date is a week from tomorrow. My mom is flying into town today, my husband is off of work, everyone is on red alert.

Now we just sit and wait. There are still plenty of things to do to get ready (like, oh say, building the crib and decorating the nursery), but right now we really are just sitting and waiting. It’s like one of those scenes in a movie where two people sit on a sofa and two other people sit in chairs opposite the sofa. No one speaks and the only sound in the room is a clock ticking. Eventually a phone rings and everyone jumps up. One person shakily answers it and it’s… a carpet salesman.

Of course, things aren’t really quiet here – the wee one is hyped up with anticipation and irritation that no one wants to play Get Hit With My Sword all day long. And my hubby is doing a great job of getting the house ready. I’m really the only one just sitting here.

It’s funny because, as I sit here I can’t think of anything better than meeting my new gal and not being this huge and uncomfortable beast that I currently am. But then I get a wallop of a contraction and I suddenly remember what it entails to attain said gal and less uncomfortable frame, and, well, I’m not quite as anxious for it all to start as I was in the minutes before.

We actually spent most of the day on Monday at the hospital – I was having regular contractions, though they weren’t painful. Eventually we were asked – did I want the doctor to break my water or did I want to go home? I opted for home, thinking that within 24 hours things would be well on their way. Alas.

But this isn’t bad. If given the choice, I definitely want labor to begin spontaneously – it’s just the anticipation and the inability to really get up and move around that makes me crazy. I’d love to just go walk myself into labor, but it hurts my asshole pelvis.

Maybe I’ll suck it up and go wander around Target until I can’t stand it anymore. Or I could just sit here and watch Annie with the wee one. That sounds nice.

Anyway, sorry for the whiny post. Maybe for the next post I’ll talk about all of the fun things I’ve knocked over with my belly during the past few days… water cups, applesauce containers, mail off the table, etc. On second thought, that doesn’t sound very funny, does it? Maybe I’ll make fun of the So You Think You Can Dance chick who says "jidges" instead of "judges." Not very entertaining either, huh? How about more complaining then? Excellent.

gracias y’all

emails can be swell
when they are not about pills
or my small manhood

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has sent an email or left a comment about Haiku Mama. I’m so glad y’all are liking the book and I’m sorry I haven’t sent out responses to your notes. Hopefully you’ll read this, though, and know that I did get your email/comment and I will craft a hilarious/loving response sometime soon (or possibly not so soon, but I have every intention of responding).

So thanks for the kind words everyone – as smoked gouda-y as it sounds, it really does make my day to get nice messages from strangers. It’s validating and humbling and it makes me smile.