dammit, y’all

nice underclothing
and food should not be mutu-
-ally exclusive

I was laying on the sofa nursing the wee-er one (because side-lying nursing works much better when you are blessed – like I am – with a painful and explosive letdown that threatens to drown your offspring) and while I was nursing her I attempted to eat a sandwich (why do I always first spell that as "SNAD-which?).

Normally this isn’t a difficult feat – I’m getting pretty good at feeding myself one-handedly and in awkward positions. I mean, heck, if someone else is going to make me the food, I’ll scarf it down any way possible.

So my husband made me a wonderful sandwich. Cream cheese, cucumbers, avocado, pickles, mustard… mmm. I politely tried to lean my face away from the wee-er one so I wouldn’t drop chunks of avocado on her hairy little head. Instead, a giant glob of mustard fell onto my new nursing bra. My lightning white, German-made, $58 nursing bra; the only bra I’ve ever had that cost more that $20 and that required a fitting with another lady in the dressing room asking me to "lift [my] nipples and gently place them in the cups."

Glowing yellow mustard.

All over it.


I have some Woolite, and a free bathroom sink, so I will try my best to clean the spot out. The major problem being all bra cleaning instructions I have are in German or are in those washing hieroglyphics that I’ve never understood. I guess that doesn’t really matter, though, because all of the hieroglyphs have giant Xs through them (except for the one that looks like water in a tub and says 40, which I’m guessing means Celsius and which I’m also guessing means warm-ish).

Please wish me luck. I don’t want to ruin or shrink or otherwise damage my fancy German bra. Even though it looks much like a 1950’s over the shoulder boulder holder, it gives me awesome cleavage and doesn’t clog my ducts. Yay!

So I’m off to try and fix my mustard-y mistake. Next time the baby gets avocado on her face. It’s much easier to clean and the instructions are in a language I can read.

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