suze orman’s got nothin’ on me, baby

saving money… good
don’t matter how you do it
just don’t forget wipes

I just realized why I’ve been saving so much money lately. It’s the Poop Budget.

Here’s the scene:

Pile wee one and wee-er one into the car
Arrive at Target/HEB/Old Navy/Wherever
Disentangle wee one from car seat, tell him to pretend he’s a magnet so he will stick to the side of the car (and not run in traffic)
Disentangle wee-er one from car seat, cram her chubby self into the pouch.
Carefully walk through blazing hot parking lot, find shopping cart, enter store.
Look down at wee-er one, realize she has just pooped.

Now we have a few different options:

a) try to shop as fast as you can before wee-er one starts to freak.
b) wrangle everyone back out to the car and change her diaper, then wrangle everyone back into the store, where she will inevitably poop again.
b.2) wrangle everyone back out to the car and attempt to change her diaper, then realize you have no wipes.

b.2.a) wrangle everyone back into the store, quickly buy wipes, go back out to the car to change diaper, go back into store to shop, and know in your heart she will inevitably poop
again once you get your cart full.
b.2.b) wrangle everyone back out to the car and attempt to change her diaper, then realize you have no wipes, watch your head go supernova, then go home.

I almost always "choose" option b.2.b and boy does it save me some cash!

anybody have a whistle?

a stasis of laze
can’t blame weather anymore
but blaming self? Ha!

I don’t know what the matter is. I’m just sitting here. I did this last week when the wee one was at school, too. I have a book to refamiliarize myself with before the edits begin, another book to finish writing, a kitchen to clean, laundry to wash, a nursery full of non-baby detritus that needs to be organized, floors to sweep and vacuum, piles and piles and piles of papers and bills and envelopes and magazines that need to be sorted and/or trashed. And what do I do when I have the time to get some of this done?






All morning I’ve been enjoying a circuit of reading televisionwithoutpity, nursing, reading entertainment weekly, nursing, and catching up on my TiVo. All while I am surrounded by piles of crap and tumbleweeds of dog hair. I should be embarrassed to admit I can live with the mess, but I’m not, and I can. The problem I’m having right now is the inability to write. But it’s not really an inability. When I actually sit down and do it, I feel great – like how I imagine people who jog must feel after they’ve achieved yet another lap around the lake. It energizes me. It makes me happy. It makes me feel like I’m breathing crisp, cool air. It brings me back to myself. So why am I not doing it? Why am I blogging instead? Why am I fastidiously reading all TwoP Farscape recaps and wondering how much money Alynda Wheat makes?

Could it be that this is my vacation and I don’t really know it? If so, I shouldn’t feel guilty, right? Mama hasn’t been on vacation in a long, long time. I just imagined my next vacation would include a beach and a cold fruity drink, not watching my ass swell on the couch every Tuesday and Thursday.

Oh well, I’ll take what I can get.

I guess.

the Roomba discussion

you too can be them
it is era of Jetson’s
robots for housework!

There is discussion around the haiku of the day household about maybe buying ourselves a robot to do the damned vacuuming. No one else will do it because our current vacuum a) doesn’t work and b) is very, very smelly.

So the plan is that the robot will force us to clean up the mess on the living room floor in the evenings. And when I say "force" I don’t mean by threatening us with angry robot epithets, I mean we’ll have to keep the place tidy or risk breaking our $200 robot vacuum cleaner when it attempts to suck up a lego or a sock.

The other part of the plan (once we humans have rid the floors of the larger debris) is to have the robot vacuum cleaner scoot around the house while we are all sleeping. Thus, we wake up to a dog hair-free living room, a crumb-free kitchen, and a cranky-free mama. Huzzah!

But can this fantasy come true? Will the robot vacuum live up to the hype? Is it worth $200? The wee one is already very disappointed that the robot vacuum is really just a small, circular device, and not – as he says – a real live robot, that will chase him and play hide and seek. Will I be equally crushed when it doesn’t remove the hair and nastyass dog ear-droppings from the floor? Or will it be like the TiVo – a miraculous device that I would kiss over and over if it weren’t for the fears of electrical shock?

Ah, Roomba. Is it meant to be? Or are you just a naughty temptress, beckoning me with your rumored sucking prowess?

Once you go robot do you ever go back?

We shall see….

She’s eeeeevil

morons on parade
I would laugh at them if it
didn’t make me sad

I saw a pick-up truck today with a bumper sticker that said, "I’ll forgive Jane Fonda when the Jews forgive Hitler."


I totally forgot that Jane Fonda was guilty of performing medical experiments on live human subjects all while she systematically exterminated 6 million people. Man. What a bitch.

passing on the thanks

an attitude shift
no more kicking in the mouth
well, not for today

I just wanted to pass on this note I got today:
Dear [haiku of the day blog readers],

Wow! Thank you so much for funding our reading resources. My class is
already off to a great start, and your contribution will keep us in the
right direction. We are looking forward to our new reading materials!

Thank you,

Courtney Betancourt

Southmost Elementary

4th Grade

Nice work, everyone. We’ve done a little something to make the world better. Yee haw for that!