so much already
could fill bathtub with candy
and that’s just from school 

OK, so we’re trying an experiment this Halloween. After trick-or-treating tonight, the wee one is going to pick out a handful of his favorite candy and then leave the rest as an offering to the Halloween Fairy. The Halloween Fairy will then take it all and leave a new toy in its place. A non-tooth-rotting, non-hyper-inducing, cool new toy.

Think it’ll work? The wee one already has about twenty pounds of candy from preschool today (they trick-or-treated at the school district headquarters across the street from school). As a test, I asked him to take out a few piece to save, and, well, 19.75 pounds have been deemed "favorites" while the lone butterscotches have been left for the Halloween Fairy. This is to be expected, I guess, because I didn’t give a specific amount of candy to keep. I’m still trying to figure that out. Is five not enough? Maybe ten – two pieces a day for the rest of the week. Oh, I don’t know. I don’t want to completely deprive him of crap, because crap is fun – I like crap, too. We just don’t need so much of it.

Maybe I’ll just sit down with the Halloween Fairy and eat all the candy tonight and leave nothing behind. My stomach already hurts for no apparent reason, why not feed the fire? (It’s that gut-punch ache you get just before and during barfing. Awesome.)

Or, we could forget the Halloween Fairy and just have a traditional tooth-ruining, hurl-causing, uproarious good time.

Nah. Experimentoween is ON, baby. Let’s see how it flies.

Vote now! Stick it to the mud!

the mean and nasties
not TV I want to watch
god bless the tivo

I’ve had an idea. I bet way more people would vote early if, when you vote early, you get a special code along with your "I voted" sticker. When you get home, you take your special code, punch it into your TV remote and voila! You no longer have to watch any of the political commercials. Once your code is entered, the commercials magically turn into pictures of wildflowers. Or porn. You could choose whichever you prefer.

Voter turnout would go through the roof!

I have nothing funny to say today

Except that I just remembered the first time I heard someone say they were going on a "toot" when they meant going out to get drunk. I still think that’s hilarious.

I feel like I’m on a toot right now. It’s a lack of sleep toot for me, though. I’m on an exhaustion toot. And also a water toot. And a corn dog toot. Can’t get enough of them.

not so wee

tomorrow’s big plans
profess love and eat ice cream
sounds like a good day

I finished reading the wee one a book tonight and I leaned over to kiss him goodnight. "I have a secret, Mommy," he said, with droopy, sleepy eyes and a crooked smile.

"What’s your secret?" I whispered back.

"Tomorrow at school I’m going to tell Kaiah that I love her. She can be my wife when we grow up."

Then he rolled over and pulled the covers over his ear and closed his eyes, smiling.

My baby boy… the one who still prefers to eat Gerber chicken sticks over "big-boy hot dogs"… I can’t believe how fast he’s growing up. I’d like to tell him to stop it, or at least to slow it down, but I don’t really want that.

The problem isn’t that he’s growing up too fast, it’s that I can’t keep up with him. He is my Tazmanian Devil Time Vortex Tornado Of Unconditional Love. And man can he drive me crazy. But he also drives me to distraction, I love him so much.

I hope Kaiah accepts his proposal. Or agrees to a playdate at least. I am just not ready to mend a broken heart. Not yet.

oh, baby… spinach

my lunch, it is back
smothered in dressing, croutons
leaving green in teeth

My rad husband picked up a couple bags of locally grown baby spinach today, thus ending The Time With No Spinach.

It was a dark time; a time of too many chips and salsa lunches; a time of "eh, I guess this Little Debbie roll of chocolate covered chemicals is OK for lunch." So I rejoice. Well, I’m still eating the little Debbie Preservative Rolls, but at least I can balance them out with , like, 8,000% of my daily vitamin K.

I’m so happy to have my spinach back. And I’m happy it was only 65 degrees today. And I’m happy the Longhorns managed to beat Nebraska. And I’m happy I had for-real fatback to cook in my 15 bean soup. (Again, fatback/spinach gives my diet a little balance. I think.)

Yay for fresh food. Yay for cool weather. Yay for football.


Happy Sunday, all.