Finally, a place to stick it

so much construction
my house vibrates constantly
not in a good way

The thing about living in an up and coming suburb is that the construction never ceases. The weird thing is that only three things are being built: houses, storage unit facilities, and banks. Me, I’d like a nice local restaurant I can get breakfast at on a Sunday. But unless Wells Fargo starts serving up grits and breakfast tacos I’m out of luck.

What is the deal with all of the banks and storage units? Suburbia is now home to hoarders? The houses being built are definitely big enough to hold reasonable amounts of furniture and crap. So what gives? Everyone needs an empty house for performing back-flips and somersaults? Couches have to be put in storage to make room for the ginormous television sets (that are bought with loans from the myriad banks)?

It’s strange.

Perhaps everyone who lives in the burbs is in on the crystal meth bandwagon that seems to be all the rage in rural areas. As our cities encroach on the countryside, we not only displace deer and other wildlife, we – like the blob – gobble up everything else, too. This invites the once rural crystal meth kitchens into our now thriving communties of people who need to be bonkers just to make it through the day. I mean, I kind of get that. The commute into town is a friggin bitchapalooza of idiot drivers and roads that are too small for the exponential growth of the community. Why not rent out a storage facility to hide your drug making gear (and protect your leather set from The Roomstore), empty out your house of anything flammable, cook up some drugs, sell them, put your cash in several banks all within walking distance (so the giant cash deposits don’t raise any suspicions), and live large in your new non-commuting, work-from-home, illegal, but satisfying life?

Seriously – that’s the only reason I can think of for so many storage facilities and banks (and lunatic neighbors who use buzz saws at midnight). All of my neighbors are cooking up crystal meth and buying TVs that are bigger than mine, and doing back-flips to celebrate.

Suburbia rocks.

2 thoughts on “Finally, a place to stick it

  1. I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here in suburban Orlando, the same thing is happening. With everyone doing online banking, I couldn’t quite figure out why the need for so many banks? But, you’ve figured it out for me – thanks.:)


  2. Hm, your theory, coupled with the average hour-plus commute of the average Orange Countian, explains why we’re getting so many banks despite the fact that we’re no longer up-and-coming. They’re sick of facing off with California drivers on the 5 and 405 (and really, who isn’t sick of people WHO CAN’T DRIVE!!! What is it with the driving schools out here?! And heaven help us when it rains) and finding creative ways to work from home. Hm. makes sense.


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