Dear Yoplait Yogurt Assclowns,

I’m just wondering whose big bright idea it was to put foil lids on your containers WITHOUT any kind of helpful little pull tab or perforation or something.

My kid could eat four containers of yogurt a day if I’d let him, but I don’t for several reasons including the dreaded sugar factor and the fact that I can’t get the damn things open to friggin SAVE MY LIFE.

While I appreciate the chance to vent my frustrations by repeatedly stabbing the lids of yogurt containers at every meal and snack time, I don’t think this is good behavior to model for my kids, plus it gets to be a real pain in the ass to have to constantly clean yogurt spatter off my glasses.

So how’s about a pull tab? A little red string like band-aids and trident have? Perforation? A plastic yank-it-off thing like milk? Something? Anything. Cause any day now I’m going to go batshit crazy over these stupid yogurt containers and I’m not looking forward to cleaning yogurt off of my textured walls while explaining what "batshit crazy" means to my four-year-old.

Fix it, Yoplait, or I’ll have to suck up the price difference and serve Brown Cow all the time instead of just on the days I want to feel like a responsible parent.

Concerned mom


3 thoughts on “Dear Yoplait Yogurt Assclowns,

  1. Girl. Skip the Yoplait and go for Stonyfield Organic in the six-packs. Four-cornered with easy peel back; smaller sized so 4-a-day? no problem.
    The letter is a hoot, but I say hit them where it hurts. Save your batsh*t crazy for something that really matters, or at the very least can’t be fixed. Like Little league organizers. (grin.)


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