If wishes and buts were candy and nuts none of us would starve to death on an airplane

grape bubbliscious
not same as silly putty
when stuck to window

Well, we survived our harrowing travel. The flight was only an hour and a half, so some gentle greater being gave us a helluva tailwind. Our only travel issues were of the predictable kind… getting through security, not having enough to eat on the plane, and trying to fit a mommy, a baby, and a squirmy four-year-old into the lavatory (even though express threats were made at the airport about not using the potty on the plane).

I think security would have been less a pain in my ass if anyone had bothered to offer some help. As it was, we were lucky there weren’t very many people in line because otherwise we would have been trampled while I struggled to hold the baby, break down the stroller, and keep sight of the wee one.

The TSA agents were less than helpful about the rules, too, which was infuriating.
I mean, don’t they know that it would save EVERYONE time if the explained things all at once instead of incrementally?

Example: the wee one walks through the metal detector. Then "Ma’am, he has to take off his shoes." So we take off his shoes and he walks through it again. "Ma’am, he has to take off his jacket." OK, thanks for telling me AFTER he walked through the only thing in the world that actually scares him. Then it was my turn. "Ma’am, you have to take the baby out of the stroller." OK. I walk through the detector again. "Ma’am you have to put the whole thing through the X-ray." So I say, "The whole what thing?" And never once does she say stroller. I just intuit that’s what she means. Meanwhile, the wee one is through the detector, nervously taking everything off the conveyor belt and making a giant pile right in everyone’s walkway.

Then the lady behind me tries to slip her stuff ahead of me while I’m holding a baby, taking a carseat off of a stroller, and breaking down a stroller, one-handed. I was not sorry to put the stroller on top of her box o’ belongings and give her an ugly look. Not once did anyone ask if they could help with the stroller. Oh well. I guess that’s my just desserts for not traveling a lot, and not knowing what’s what about shoes and jackets and stuff. But last year when we flew we didn’t have to take off our shoes even though the sign said we did. Much like a toddler, all I need is a little consistency and I can follow the rules just fine.

Once on the plane we were cool, other than the wee one sticking his gum on the window and having to go potty and not wanting to watch the new DVD player. He was happy to ask a trillion questions and I didn’t mind answering them.

The wee-er one, despite her stuffy nose, never cried at all, and slept part of the way. Huzzah! Huzzah! Then my dad was able to get security to allow him to meet us at the gate in Atlanta – so that was wonderful, too.

So we’re here and happy and eager to play with all of our relations and eat junk and not take any naps and tell stories about how loud and tiny airplane potties are.

Yay vacation!

2 thoughts on “If wishes and buts were candy and nuts none of us would starve to death on an airplane

  1. lmao. oh my goodness, this sounds exactly like my experience flying out to la from atlanta. I think there should be a sensitivity training component for all airport/airline personnel that requires travel with a child under the age of two for a minimum two-hour flight. glad you made it through safely. hope you’ve enjoyed atlanta.


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