Here’s my prediction of what the news is going to be like for the next three days as the possibility of an ice storm looms:
"It’s The Possible Ice Storm of 2007" [ominous music plays] We’re bringing you live coverage from across the city, with four reporters on location all across town. Let’s go to Bill for more…"
"Bill here and WOW is it raining."
"We’ve heard there’s ice and snow and road closures, Bill. Is this true?"
"Well, no, not really. Mostly it’s raining. And really wet. And there is this low water crossing that closed earlier. It’s reopened now, though. *cough* Back to you in the studio."
"Thanks Bill. Now let’s talk to Melissa."
"Hi. This is Melisa McFancyPants and I’m standing here staring at a creek. It’s got a lot of water in it. Also, it’s raining."
"Thanks Melissa. Can you tell me if the reports of tornadoes and thunder snow and downed power lines are true?"
"I haven’t heard anything about any of that, but I can tell it’s raining, because my hair is wet. It’s raining kind of hard, too. Plus, the creek is really wet and stuff is floating in it."
"As you can see folks, the threat of dangerous inclement weather is increasing exponentially as the afternoon approaches. Let’s talk to Sally downtown."
"Hi there. It’s really raining out here. People are wet and cold. Brrr."
"What about the reports of looting and traffic signals flashing red?"
"I haven’t seen any of that. But I’ll keep you posted on any cold or rain-related rioting that might occur."
"Let’s take a quick look at the radar here… HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! The rain! The cold! The slight possibility of ice! This is a very serious situation, folks. Very serious. Let’s check in with Donald who has heard a rumor of some sleet occurring in Dallas, which is a mere 250 miles away!"
Ah, I love the weather hysteria we get around here. It’s so fun to watch. The meteorologists have busted into Saturday morning cartoons about 14 times this morning. Right now they’re at a fairly controlled level of near panic over the rain and cold. I’m getting some popcorn ready for when it really starts to get icy. It’s gonna be fun times watching the TV news media dissolve into screaming hysterics as the temperatures drop. Heh. Ice is fun in Texas.