wanna be startin’ somethin’

where do my hands go
hey look, a pocket built in
so comfy, so warm

When the wee one was tiny and nursing, he used to rub my earlobe or scratch my elbow as he ate. It was very cute at first, and then it drove me bonkers. That scritch-scritch-scritch on my dry elbows would send shivers up and down my spine.

The wee-er one hadn’t really found a place for her hands. She flailed them around, or grabbed my shirt or grabbed her ear – nothing felt right, I guess. Until now. Now that she’s found her crotch, all is good in the world.

Like a tiny Michael Jackson, she holds on to her crotch for dear life as she suckles her dinner. What’s that noise he made as he grabbed his crotch and dipped his chin? "HEEEE HEEEE."

She also grabs at her crotch when I change her diaper. And let me tell you, when you’re in the bathroom at Ikea or Target, and you have five wipes plus a too-small diaper, watching your daughter get poop up to her elbows as she fishes around for treasure "HEEE HEEE"-style… well, that does not a happy mama make. Plus, WHY DOES SHE ONLY POOP EXPLOSIVELY WHEN WE’RE OUT SOMEWHERE AND I FORGOT TO BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES? It’s like she has a pack of poop firecrackers that she saves for the car seat. So gross.

Anyway, the crotch grabbing while nursing isn’t so bad. It’s better than elbow scratching, at least. We just have to find an alternative for the poo grabbin.

Hey, now that I think of it, Crotch Grabbing Nurser sounds like a band Russell Crowe would have.

Ah, my life is incredibly glamorous, isn’t it?


One thought on “wanna be startin’ somethin’

  1. Ohhhh, I am literally laughing out loud. Your blog is even *funnier* now that I have a wee one of my own.
    Johanna’s nursing trick? She waits ’til Mommy’s nipple is alllmost in her mouth (we’re talking a fraction of an inch away), and *zoom* her hand pops up and her fist goes in instead. And I swear, even though she’s not smiling just yet, she thinks this little maneuver of hers is the funniest thing.


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