I have my fangs in you, baby

why we don’t talk religion
or word origins

The other day, while I was driving the wee one home from school, he asked me what fangs are. Here’s how the conversation rapidly went down hill…

[me, beginning the conversation genially] "Fangs? You mean like teeth?"

[the wee one, frustration setting in early due to what I call Tired Post School Temper Trouble or TPSTT] "No, FANGS, mommy. The things you have IN people."

[me, trying to stay genial] "Like ‘sink your fangs into’ something? Sometimes people say that when they mean to take a bite out of something."

[the wee one, bubbling over with TPSTT] "NO, MOMMY! Like we learned at school! Fangs. FANGS!"

[me, getting irritated that he’s irritated] "OK. You shouting it at at me over and over? That doesn’t make me understand you any easier, alright?

[the wee one, sighing dramatically] "I’m just talking about fangs. The kind of fangs that purple stands for."

[me] ????

[he continues, as if talking to the most pitiful, dumb creature on the planet] "At school, Mrs. Linda says that purple stands for fangs. And that we have fangs in God."

[me, ding ding ding!] "You mean faith? We have faith in God?"

[the wee one, thrilled I finally understand him, gets excited] "So we’re like vampires for God?"

[me, giving up] "Yes. We’re like vampires for God."

This is what I get for sending him to a quasi-religious preschool.

2 thoughts on “I have my fangs in you, baby

  1. You made diet coke come out of my nose! Hilarious.
    I love how you write dialogue. and since my wee one is the same age as your wee one, I can completely hear us having this same conversation with the same TPSTT and the same quasi-religious preschool banter.
    You make me laugh. I’m glad you’re a vampire for God.


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