it’s not something that eats your lawn, though that’s what it sounds like

oooh evil grupster
a parent’s worst sin

Dear Today Show Producer,

Damn. It looks like I might be a grupster. And according to your segment this morning, this means I’m not only raising my children to be
sociopaths, I’m jeopardizing their values, character and "success
traits." (What is a success trait, anyway? Learning how to not choke on rocks? Cause if that’s one, you may actually be right.)

Also, because I selfishly like to listen to my own music and
prefer (though can not always afford) clothes that don’t come from the big
box stores I am – and I’m quoting here – "handicapping" my kids?


My own love for t-shirts that say things like "Reading is Sexy" and my
propensity to allow the chillins to wear novelty t-shirts makes me a
poor parent. Check. The fact that my son loves the Shins as much as I do means I’m damaging his future self. Check. The idea that because my ten-month-old daughter rides on my hip as I have professional meetings and phone calls means that by witnessing me in my non-mom environment she’s never going to have her own identity. Check.

I’m just following in the footsteps of generations of other moms, aren’t I? Traumatizing my kids by trying to do what I think works best for our family. Shame, shame. Guess I better bust out that Bedazzler and go to town on some smiley-faced low-low-low-priced Big Box denim fabric so I can make myself a skort and be a proper mom.

What kind of derisive, divisive, puffy, fluffy crap is this? News?
Advice? What is it’s purpose? You’d think you wouldn’t TRY to alienate
and insult your most popular demographic. (And by that I mean women
18-49 or whatever it is – not "grupsters." Obviously grupsters would never deign to click on their flat screen LCDs to watch such a plebian affair). Dare I even suggest that what the world needs now is love and not a bunch of ridiculous fuel added to the "mommy wars" fire?

I just love how at the very beginning of the segment
Meredith Vieira’s cloying voice says, "They’re hip, they’ve got their
own interests and stop the presses – they’re also moms and dads!" It’s
spoken so judgementally that I’m tempted to say it’s flat out vicious.
She is the real life, unctuous Dolores Umbridge, smiling as she encourages insults. Oh, wait, is that a comparison I’m not allowed to make because I’m a mom and therefore I’m not supposed to know who Dolores Umbridge is? I’m happy to admit the reference makes me a dork, but the mere suggestion that I’m not allowed to revel in and enjoy current pop culture because I’m a mom and it could somehow damage my kids… well… that makes me want to throw on my "WTF" t-shirt, grab my kids and wallow with them in some of Nirvana’s earlier music. Damn. I did it again, didn’t I?

Anyway, I appreciate the idea that because I’m sort of hip and trendy (but not really) I don’t want to be bothered by the spawn of my own loins. I mean, really, who does? The reality, though, is that my not-quite-punk rock shirts are covered in spit-up just like everyone else’s. My Chuck Taylor’s tread through smeared baby poo and flee down the aisles of Babies R Us when I need a baby gate. I am Every Mom disguised as myself. Or is that vice versa?

As I say to my son when he kicks his sister for no reason – "Hey, hey now, why are you trying to hurt someone just because you can? Time out, mister."

Well, time out to you, Today Show Producer. And just so you know I’m serious… no Shins for at least a week.

concerned (yet selfishly a-typical) mother

The segment from this morning’s Today Show can be found here.


4 thoughts on “it’s not something that eats your lawn, though that’s what it sounds like

  1. Right bloody ON. I don’t watch this show, it’s pure drivel, but saw the clip when a mother brought it to my attention, and I was floored. It couldn’t be more sad and vicious and irrelevant. I kept asking “POINT??? Please?” It never came.
    How this sorry excuse for an informative segment ever got approved to take up precious airtime boggles my mind.


  2. Thanks Keri!! The responses have been so great towards me, and negative towards the effen Today Show, that I feel like I have the biggest and most loving family in the world. I’ve forwarded your blog to them… not that they give a shit! xoxo to you!
    Kayci, bad parent & apparent grupster
    Moxie and the Compound


  3. Hi Kari, and what a gem of a post. Why is it so wrong to follow the path other than the ‘ideal’ supposedly laid out in the popular press and books.
    Why should my sons not appreciate the finer guttural rantings and mechanical beats of Rammstein? Should daddy cut back his mass of wavy hair and shave the goatee just to look like the other dads? NO!!! We are all individuals, and so should our children be. To sheepishly pursue the ideals set by so-called experts will lead to no more than a world full of clones, where having a differing opinion is considered wrong and and ‘invalid’. Respect for others different in their many ways is the lesson they need, not be the same and damn everyone different.
    That they should demand us to conform in such a manner and deny us our own quirks and oddities is to generate a whole new form of racism, which will lead the
    world down the path of the American way as the only ‘right way’ to lead your life.
    Over here there are signs that unless we can get our politicians to review the way our special relationship with America impacts on our culture we will end up just another state of the USA. Then another individual view can be quoshed and written out of existence, and so we will all fall under even greater scrutiny for our uniqueness.
    Fight your corner, as I fight mine and together we can save the world from a hideous and mind-numbing 1984 like future. After all, who wants to be the same anyway? We love our kids, but we don’t want them to be invisible to others once they are grown. Let them see the choices available, not just those labeled as safe and suitable.


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