vacuumed in a skirt
like Fifties Future! model
so where’s my world’s fair?

That’s right. I vacuumed this morning. [applause]

With the new faaaancy vacuum cleaner. [even more applause]

It sucked up all kinds of cheerios and detritus. Who knew that fine, silt-like people shavings (droppings? sheddings?) littered my carpets? Tres disgusting. And yet I’m fascinated by the people silt I suck up. It has become a kind of contest wherein I empty the vacuum canister after every room so that I can measure which rooms have the most skin litter (winner so far? living room, hands down).

I mean, I’m guessing that’s what the silt-y stuff is in the vacuum; a fine combination of moon sand, teething biscuit crumbs and the microscopic debris of gnarly skin droppings we sprinkle through the house all day and all night. Blech! But still grossly awesome! I love measuring the silt. It’s like the foul but deliciously pleasing habit I had of scritch-scratching the wee-er one’s cradle crap. So gross and yet so satisfying.

Also strangely satisfying? I sucked up people silt while wearing a skirt! I never wear skirts! But I’ve learned that summer heat + cool, white, flowy skirt = air circulation. Who knew?

Now all I need are some heels, pearls, and maybe some punk rock Dyson tats.

Rawr.