Dear Flight Attendant Meanie Who Works For Continental’s ExpressJet,
Hi there! I just read this article about how you humiliated a mama, asked her to drug her baby, and then apparently lied to get them thrown off your flight.
I would just like to commend you for being so open with your hatred for children. Usually, people who hate babies are kind of closeted about it, you know? They’ll make snide remarks to their friends, but they keep their full-on vitriol to themselves.
Not you, though, huh?
I’m thinking, however, that maybe being a flight attendant isn’t the best profession for you. Flight attendants are around A LOT of children. And they’re around A LOT of children who are not on their best behavior. (Traveling makes a lot of us cranky, not just babies).
Maybe you are one of Roald Dahl’s witches and you have a job around children because you’re trying to find the best way to turn them into mice/vaporize them? Or maybe you’re in some kind of secret immersion program used to cure oneself of unsavory habits (like hating babies)?
Whatever it is, I’m guessing you probably want to rethink your career choice. I thought I might offer you some assistance in coming with some employment alternatives that are more suitable for people who hate kids and/or have short tempers and/or who are assholes and/or who are fictional witches.
So here you go:
- Editor of "I Hate Babies" magazine
- Semi-truck driver who hauls loads of needles, extra-tears shampoo, pinchy sandals, lima beans and expired sunscreen
- Person in charge of experimental trials testing out the effectiveness of cayenne pepper as a diaper rash ointment
- Pharmaceutical executive who must constantly invent new vaccines for babies so that you and the other executives can afford to have solid gold bathtubs and pockets lined with politicians
- Recipe writer for "Elementary School Cafeteria Lunches in 30 Minutes or Less"
- Gingerbread house sitter
As you can see, Flight Attendant Meanie Who Works For Continental’s ExpressJet, there are many employment options for a person such as yourself. I hope that you consider making a change in your career path.
And also I hope you learn how to stop being such a psycho bitch.