It’s a good thing we don’t fly Continental

Dear Flight Attendant Meanie Who Works For Continental’s ExpressJet,

Hi there! I just read this article about how you humiliated a mama, asked her to drug her baby, and then apparently lied to get them thrown off your flight.

I would just like to commend you for being so open with your hatred for children. Usually, people who hate babies are kind of closeted about it, you know? They’ll make snide remarks to their friends, but they keep their full-on vitriol to themselves.

Not you, though, huh?

I’m thinking, however, that maybe being a flight attendant isn’t the best profession for you. Flight attendants are around A LOT of children. And they’re around A LOT of children who are not on their best behavior. (Traveling makes a lot of us cranky, not just babies).

Maybe you are one of Roald Dahl’s witches and you have a job around children because you’re trying to find the best way to turn them into mice/vaporize them? Or maybe you’re in some kind of secret immersion program used to cure oneself of unsavory habits (like hating babies)?

Whatever it is, I’m guessing you probably want to rethink your career choice. I thought I might offer you some assistance in coming with some employment alternatives that are more suitable for people who hate kids and/or have short tempers and/or who are assholes and/or who are fictional witches.

So here you go:

  • Editor of "I Hate Babies" magazine
  • Semi-truck driver who hauls loads of needles, extra-tears shampoo, pinchy sandals, lima beans and expired sunscreen
  • Person in charge of experimental trials testing out the effectiveness of cayenne pepper as a diaper rash ointment
  • Pharmaceutical executive who must constantly invent new vaccines for babies so that you and the other executives can afford to have solid gold bathtubs and pockets lined with politicians
  • Recipe writer for "Elementary School Cafeteria Lunches in 30 Minutes or Less"
  • Gingerbread house sitter

As you can see, Flight Attendant Meanie Who Works For Continental’s ExpressJet, there are many employment options for a person such as yourself. I hope that you consider making a change in your career path.

And also I hope you learn how to stop being such a psycho bitch.

Sincerely,
Kari
Concerned Mother

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5 thoughts on “It’s a good thing we don’t fly Continental

  1. I just read this and I could not frickin’ believe it. I read it on Yahoo which didn’t include that she lied to get them off. I didn’t know we are returning to the “seen and not heard” world of yesteryear.
    I can remember one flight on SW Airlines when my child was screaming (duh, his ears were popping as we were ascending) and a flight attendant threw me a package of snacks even though she was already buckled in. Apparently they have (or had, this was 1996) more substantial snacks even on the airline known for only serving peanuts. I was so grateful and I never forgot it. So I put my son on the boob, later gave him and my 3 year old crackers and cheese and we all survived. I also tried not to fly alone with babies.
    If this flight attendant didn’t know that she was creating a firestorm, she will now. Can we say boycott? Nice meeting you last night Kari. You were so nice and cool.

    Like

  2. Hey Kari,
    That was sooo hilarious. I love it. Boy, I needed comic relief after that article! I picked up your Haiku Mama book and I have to say it’s so funny and poignant! Congrats on your book. 🙂

    Like

  3. Hey Kari,
    That was sooo hilarious. I love it. Boy, I needed comic relief after that article! I picked up your Haiku Mama book and I have to say it’s so funny and poignant! Congrats on your book. 🙂

    Like

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