“I can throw a fit!”

things you can do now
so many awesome milestones
for my genius babe

The wee-er one’s well check went well – zooming fast, actually, because I had no questions except for one about how to get rid of her baby acne. The answer was, I believe, "wash her face." So there you go.

She weighed 18lbs 13oz, which puts her in the tenth percentile for weight. This leads me to believe that she may have inherited my metabolism. Oh, girlie, you may enjoy being thin, but just wait for those IBS symptoms. Woo woo.

Anyway, at the well check we got the little handout that you always get: "I am 12 months old! I can wave bye-bye! I can whack two blocks together!" etc. One of the things listed is "I can throw a ball!"

This got me to thinking about a more accurate list of accomplishments for a one-year-old. It would say things like:

"I can throw toy corn on the cob!"
"I can rip out your hair and then eat it!"
"I can throw the remote, aiming perfectly at the dog!"
"I can scream until your eardrums burst!"
"I can throw more food off my high chair tray than most people eat in a year!"
"I can take off my own diaper and pee on the ottoman!"
"I can empty the entire Tupperware cupboard in less than five minutes, but I am unable to help you clean it up!"
"I can search desperately for my cup of water and yet never realize my butt is actually perched precariously on top of it!"
"I can give you a kiss, if by ‘kiss’ you mean ‘bite off your nose’"

Who can I call to get a new hand-out printed?

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2 thoughts on ““I can throw a fit!”

  1. Hi Kari,
    Having just put my young prince to bed, just gone midnight, perhaps you could add,
    Go to bed, get out as soon as daddys back is turned, and run off the top of the stairs (I think I had to morph through the wall to catch him two steps down)
    Push parent to, and past breaking point.
    Appear almost needlessly cute and lovely in public, then cry half the night and spent the latter half asleep on daddys head.
    Unplug anything unattended for more than a nanosecond (Computer, TV, nannies fridge) and anything in use like hairdryers etc.
    Cause daddy to doubt his abilities and make him cry in despair.
    Climb on everything, with little regard for the descent.
    Grab the telephone off the top of the unit, sending it crashing to the ground losing any messages.
    Other respondents may have other gems to offer you, but these mark the 17 month old toddlers idea of “what I can do now” as you may shortly find out…..
    It’s good to hear the wee-er one in such fine form, but as you have noted, not all the information given to parents is strictly accurate.

    Like

  2. Thinking back a year, I’d say add:
    I can remove the cap to any “child safe” medicine bottle!
    I can eat foreign objects found outside, with a particular fondness for poisonous plants!
    I can smear myself in dog poo!
    I can manage to always be directly under your feet, unless you’re looking for me!
    I can hide in impossibly small spots and become irretrievably stuck!
    I can break the camera & cell phone!
    Seriously, I think I could add to this list for DAYS!

    Like

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