poison patrol!

red tights and a cape
skull and crossbones on their chests
Poison Patrol, Ho!

Had to call poison control this morning (the wee one calls it "poison patrol" which I think is a much better name for it).

Seems the wee-er one was digging around in the pockets of my jeans and came up with a lone Imodium AD caplet. I managed to fish it out of her mouth before she crunched it, but it was still kind of pitted and partially dissolving, so I figured I’d better give Poison Patrol a holler.

They were very nice, as always, and assured me that it didn’t sound like she’d consumed much of the pill, if any at all. So, a full cleansing of her mouth and an extra glass of juice and we’re good to go. But by "go" I don’t mean poop. It’s been three days since she pooped. I don’t think the trace of loperamide is going to help with that. Alas.

This marks the second time in four months I’ve had to call the Poison Patrol. I need a bat signal spotlight on the roof – only instead of shining a bat into the the sky, it can shine the outline of a skull and crossbones.

We’re averaging a call every 8 weeks, I guess. And that doesn’t include eating rocks. Man. It’s a good thing they sent me so many phone stickers last time. The number is plastered all over the house now. I should probably just tattoo it on the wee-er one’s ass.

On a totally different note, I just got my Haiku bag today! It’s so cool – the perfect place to keep all of my poisonous medications and caustic acids. It’s a great transition between diaper bag and purse. I heart it very much. I just wish it had a little elastic thingy to hold a pen. But I guess pens aren’t poisonous, so why would I need to carry one around with me?

Yay, haiku bags. Boo, Poison Patrol! (Well, yay, poison patrol for being there, but boo having to call them. Again.)

What was that? Did the tequila bottle just beg me to dribble some of its innards into a glass filled with lime juice and triple sec? Well, I might just do that. if I can manage to drink it before the wee-er one gets her grubby little paws on it.

Poison Patrol, Ho!

2 thoughts on “poison patrol!

  1. I had to call Poison Patrol (awesome name!) about a month ago, and I found them to be incredibly calming, reassuring, helpful and kind. Despite the fact that I was having to call them, they were really great. They even called me back to follow-up on our situation a few hours later! What amazing customer service.
    So, you’re wondering: why did she call them? My 5 year old had sprayed himself with OFF very liberally in the EYE! I am a horrible Mom for saying, “Sure, honey, you can go outside. Just put on some bug spray first.” He went on the porch, and I immediately heard shrieking, crying, screaming and horrific ear-piercing screams. Man, the things you learn as a mom. I suck.
    But Poison Patrol rocks!


  2. One of my kids munched on a plant leaf one time, so I tried to look it up in my book. Then I called poison patrol. They chewed me out for not calling immediately. So call away.


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