New Laws

some things are just fair
others are necessities
why not legislate?   

I was thinking this morning about things that should be laws. Here’s what I have so far. Feel free to add your own…

  • Any business open before 7:30 AM and/or after Midnight, shall be required by law to provide or sell fresh and yummy breakfast tacos
  • Any toy that plays music, makes noise or is otherwise audible shall be required by law to have volume control. All toys that make noise shall also be equipped to produce fresh and yummy breakfast tacos.
  • All household pets shall be required to "make their business" outdoors, unless they are cats and they are litter box trained. Furthermore, if the phrase "make your business" or "do your business" is used between 7:30 AM and Noon or after Midnight, said household pet shall be required by law to provide fresh and yummy breakfast tacos for the human forced to accompany pet outside.
  • All school bus stops shall be required to provide a dude with a breakfast taco cart, and/or a vending machine that serves fresh and yummy breakfast tacos. This shall be offered between the hours of 6:30 AM and 8 AM. If the school bus does not arrive, said breakfast tacos shall be free with a cup of orange juice added in for punitive damages.
  • Any driver who cuts off another driver, tailgates another driver, weaves through traffic with the stupid idea that one lane moves faster than the other, gets off the highway only to get right back on, refuses to allow other cars to merge, or otherwise acts like an asshole, shall be required to provide all affronted drivers with fresh and yummy breakfast tacos. There are no time constraints for this law.
  • Any and all computers manufactured after 2006 must be fitted or retrofitted with a "fresh and yummy breakfast taco" button that when pressed between 6 AM and Noon or Midnight and 4 AM, provides the computer owner a fresh and yummy breakfast taco. Owner’s identity shall be verified through biometrics so that no one can steal his or her fresh and yummy breakfast taco.
  • An amendment to the Constitution shall be added: "A well fed population being necessary to the security of a free
    State, the right of the People to keep and bear fresh and yummy breakfast tacos shall not be
    infringed."
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4 thoughts on “New Laws

  1. On our list of pros and cons of leaving Austin that we compiled a couple years ago, “no more breakfast tacos” was a serious consideration.
    How does the rest of the populace survive without them?

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  2. As a non-Austiner (Austanian, Austinite?), I’m unfamiliar with breakfast tacos, but I do enjoy tacos of the lunch and dinner variety. Please elaborate.

    Like

  3. Oh, CB. Breakfast tacos are the bestest tacos. Plus, you don’t have to just eat them for breakfast. We have them for dinner a heckuva lot.
    Basically, you take a tortilla and you put any combination of breakfasty things in it. One of my favorite combos is potatoes, spinach, pico de gallo, and cheese. I also like eggs, cheese, bacon and avocado (with salsa).
    You can’t go wrong with just potatoes and cheese, either. Or egg and chorizo. There are inumerable combos.
    Most restaurants let you pick two or three items for your taco and then charge extra for more. but other places have specialty tacos with a whole buncha stuff in them for a good price. That’s another good thing about breakfast tacos – they’re cheap!
    In fact, dinner last night was a big burrito sized taco filled with eggs, home fries, sauteed poblano peppers and onions, and salsa.
    Boy howdy.

    Like

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