She’ll walk up to me so sweetly and say "mama." That’s when I know when to duck. Because next? Next is when she heaves the remote/a book/a baby doll/my shoe/a full water bottle at my face with an impressive 98 mph pitch.

At what age does the throwing cease? I can’t remember because I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE FROM BEING BEANED IN THE HEAD A THOUSAND TIMES A DAY.