bags and bags and bags
obscene amounts of candy
make obscene fat ass
In an apparent desire to cure me of being "too skinny," my husband went out and bought some Halloween candy.
1 bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
1 bag of Three Musketeers minis
1 bag of Butterfinger minis
1 bag of Baby Ruth minis
2 bags of Nestle Crunch minis
Have I mentioned there are only, like, seven kids that live in our neighborhood and two of them live in my house?
Have I also mentioned that my stomach is still not right from being sick last week, so I can’t actually eat any of the SIX BAGS OF HALLOWEEN CANDY sitting on my kitchen counter?
Might as well put a leash on me and sic growling dogs at my gentials. I think that would be preferable.
Haiku of the Day 
I finally got smart this year and bought candy that I hate… all sour stuff. Anything left over will go to work with my husband. Last year, I spent hours making ghosts out of Tootsie Pops and kleenex, and the little turds either didn’t want one because they didn’t know what they were, or wanted specific colors. Forget it. They get sour stuff.
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All that candy in your house and you with an unhappy tummy is like me looking at all the killer deals on candy and I CAN’T EAT ANY OF IT!!! I’m on a dairy-free diet lest my 4 month old daughter stop pooping for 3 days and then gas us all out of the house with her stink. Good times. Hope you feel better soon.
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