and now let’s hear about your parting gifts

where’s my skinny mic?
could also use a Vanna
to fold my laundry

You know the game show on NPR, Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me? I play a similar game everyday. it’s called "Wait, Wait, I’m Not Done Yet." Only my version doesn’t involve answering questions about funny news stories, or trying to best a panel of whip-smart people. It involves answering questions about my own sanity, and trying to best whip-smart children.

During this morning’s episode of "Wait, Wait, I’m Not Done Yet" I found my face being sat on by a very full diaper. The owner of said diaper was balancing precariously on my nose and squealing "baby! baby! baby! baby! shoes! shoes! shoes! shoes!"

"Wait, wait," I said groggily, struggling against freeing myself from a wonderful dream of pie and the beach, "I’m not done yet."

Once awake, dressed and downstairs, I found myself accosted by the wee-er one once again. "Shoes!" she demanded accusingly, as if it is my goal in life to keep her from wearing shoes every moment of every day. She thrust a pair of tiny sneakers at me and proceeded to scream when I tried to get her to sit down to put them on. She wanted to stand and point her little toes at me while I struggled to act as her farrier. So she hollered when I grabbed her, sat her in my lap and tried to get her shoes on as quickly as I could.

One shoe on, the other off, she scampered away, still squealing about the injustices of not only NOT having on both shoes, but in having her plan to get the shoes on thwarted.

"Wait, wait!" I shouted after her, grasping at a dangling velcro strap. "I’m not done yet!"

Have I mentioned there are no cash prizes for this game?

Eating has the same outcome, as does napping. Though a lot of times the game switches and becomes "Wait, wait, you’re not done yet." It’s a wily charade.

I can see her right now, twisting and turning, trying to wake up from her nap. The games have collided: "Wait, wait, you’re not done yet!" I whisper to her, hoping she’l get a few more minutes of sleep. Then I look at my cup of still warm tea and think, "Wait, Wait, I’m not done yet!" Boy it would nice to finish a whole cup of tea while it’s still warm.

You know, it’s fun and everything, but I don’t think anyone wins this game. The NPR one is WAY better.

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