Four things you should know before grocery shopping with a toddler:

1) Don’t expect the bagger at the grocery store to understand how to actually bag your groceries. Despite the seemingly ample size of his head, it is apparently not big enough to process the thought, "placing a carton of eggs next to a toddler might result in something bad happening."

2) Always check to make sure the above-mentioned toddler is not seated next to a carton of eggs carefully placed next to her by the ample-headed yet thought-free bag boy. Do this BEFORE you push the heavy, heavy cart out of the store and through the parking lot.

3) If you have neglected to perform the second step, above, don’t stop your buggy in the middle of the parking lot, even if you notice your poco diablo wielding eggs in both fists like tiny, very expensive, brown grenades.

4) Failing to perform number three on the list may result in either a) getting run over b) watching several birds narrowly escape the cruel and ironic fate of being bombed with fresh eggs or c) all of the above

Please feel free to share this list with anyone you think might benefit from it.

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