honk honk ashoo

life imitates art
glad head is not pillow, though
too stuffy for me

The wee one has a book – The Story of Honk Honk Ashoo and Swella Bow Wow, by Frank Cosentino. It’s about a little dude who’s head is a pillow, and the sweet little dog he becomes friends with.

I feel a little like Honk Honk Ashoo today, floppy-headed and stuffy. And every time I sit down I fall asleep. I had one of these brief narcoleptic moments just a few minutes ago, and in the five minutes I was asleep I actually had a very short dream about milkshakes.

So. Tired.

I think it may be time to wean the wee-er one. She’s 19 months on Friday, and as much as I love the closeness of nursing, I do not love the nursing at night. I am so over the nursing at night. O. Ver. It. Also, she has just started this thing where when she nurses she reaches into my shirt and pinches and scratches and claws at the skin on the outside of my armpit – right in the crook of my arm. My arm crooks are raw. It sucks.

I don’t know how long it will take to wean, but I’m very tempted to just run away for a weekend and see if it resolves itself. I somehow doubt that, though.

So it’s back to being a fluffy-headed Honk Honk Ashoo doppleganger.

And that is the coolest looking sentence I’ve written in a long time.

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today’s a big day

so many candles
to float in a Corona
who needs birthday cake?

Happy birthday to my grandma! She has no idea what a blog is, nor does she probably care. But in the spirit of celebrating a remarkable feat, it seems like a blog-worthy announcement.

Mudder is 84 today. I wish we could be there with her to celebrate.

I’ll have a beer for you tonight, Mudder. Hope your day is swell.

I’m afraid to say this out loud, but….

what a gorgeous day
early springtime makes me smile
also, kids are gone

I’m home alone right now. For at least an hour, probably more. My husband has taken the kids to the grocery store, in the middle of the afternoon on a Sunday. He loves me very much.

I have on a shirt that’s kind of hot (in a sexy way, not a sweaty way). My hair looks good. I’ve spent at least an hour in the sun, reading a great book (The City of Ember, by Jeanne DuPrau – awesome). I’m listening to New Soul by Yael Naïm, and pretending that one day I can afford a Macbook Air.

My stomach does not hurt. I do not want to strangle anyone in my family. In short, I feel good. It’s been a long time since I felt a simple happiness like I feel today.

To be honest, it scares me. Feeling good seems to always portend bad shit – like Nature or God or the tiny baby Jesus or whomever, is trying to butter you up before the inevitable disaster. But maybe, Nature, or God, or the tiny baby Jesus is saying sorry for such an incredibly fucking shitty week last week. Maybe they are making amends.

For that I say thank-you.

For that I say whatever the vocal equivalent is of falling prostrate onto a blanket out in the yard and feeling the sun ravage my face as I smile and think that wrinkles are definitely worth it.

the news

Good:

I do not have appendicitis

Bad:

I seem to be having a week long panic attack centered in my stomach

Good:

No one has a fever and the wee one is back at school

Bad:

I have lost an entire week of editing

Good:

It is Friday

Bad:

Monday is three days away

Good:

I slept until 8:45 this morning, and so did the wee-er one

Bad:

The wee-er one will not nap

Good:

Someone searched for my blog using the terms "amy winehouse separated at birth camel"

Bad:

I just realized Amy Winehouse does look a little bit like a camel

Good:

The Texas primary might actually be of some importance this year

Bad:

I haven’t re-registered to vote since the move

Good:

There is no ice storm

Bad:

It won’t stop raining

Good:

I am wearing a soft purple t-shirt

Bad:

It has mac and cheese all over it

Good:

Blogging

Bad:

Unable to figure out how to end this post

trying out housewifey-ness

me and Donna Reed
baking, swearing and laundry
two peas in a pod

Today I am being a housewife. This, I think, will get the kids back on the road to recovery. I am baking banana bread, folding clothes, and planning to make a very scaled down vinegar and baking soda volcano for the pleasure of the wee one. I am wearing a necklace.

This day is so shocking to everyone, you would think that instead of organizing the pantry and wearing a clean shirt, I set my hair on fire and then grew seventeen-inch rainbow-colored horns.

Whatever. As long as they are shocked into getting better, it’s all good. If I have to, I’ll dig up some old black pumps and prance around with the vacuum cleaner. I’m going to scare the germs right out of those rascals. Why not?

I would also like to say that so far, things might actually be looking up. No one has a fever, the wee-er one ate lunch for the first time in a week, and I have yet to throw anything or scream an obscenity out of frustration and/or exhaustion.

Is it the Donna Reed impression that’s doing it, or the introduction of penicillin into the fray?

Maybe it’s a heady cocktail of pearls and pills. That sounds like the name of a new blog, doesn’t it?

A-A-B!

playing hide and seek
fun game to play with your kids
not with viruses

Dear Wonky Virus,

Normally, I like to start out these letters in a friendly sort of way. Throw out a few compliments, offer some self-deprecating humor, ingratiate my target a bit and then WHAM, get all nasty in a deft A-A-B move (if you play Lego Star Wars on the Wii, you know what I mean. If, Wonky Virus, you have no hands, as I suspect, and cannot play the Wii, A-A-B is a fancy Jedi move that tosses you up into a flying somersault and then STABS your light saber into the ground – or your victim – with  stunningly destructive results).

Today, I’m skipping straight to the A-A-B, asshole.

Plainly put, we don’t like you, Wonky Virus. We want you to go away. Set up shop somewhere else. Skeedaddle. Vamoose. GO AWAY. And when I say "go away" I mean for real. None of this "disappear for twelve hours and then show up again in the form of a 103.4 degree fever" bullshit. Get on out of here. Don’t come back.

It’s been four days that you’ve been able to enjoy residence within the walls of the wee-er one. And now she’s tired of you. We’re all tired of you. It’s time for her to eat again. It’s time for her to sleep again. It’s time for her to not be burning up from the inside out. You’ve had plenty of time to do whatever it is you need to do, and now it’s time for you to move along.

Do you hear me, Wonky Virus?! Do you?!

A-A-B!!!

A-A-B!!!

A-A-B!!!

Sincerely,
Kari
concerned mother