Dear City Worker,

Hi there. It’s cold and rainy today, huh? I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s not crappy weather – just the last little hint of winter before a beautiful Texas springtime.

But it’s pretty crappy.

Anyway, I saw you standing out in the cold rain this morning, jabbing into a giant puddle with a stick. I guess you were trying to figure out why the street wasn’t draining properly. That’s a pretty important job, otherwise we’d all hydroplane or get trapped in three feet of water as we cross the intersection. I totally respect your job and understand that it’s a shit thing to have to do, standing on the corner of a busy intersection, in the cold rain, jabbing at muck in a puddle.

I just wanted you to understand that I appreciate your hard work, and I understand the effort it must take for you to do your job – especially on days like today.

So, Mr. City Worker, I’m really, really sorry I splashed you. Like completely drenched you from at least the chest down. I couldn’t get over into the other lane because of a big ass truck. I thought I was going slow enough to maybe just catch your shoes. Alas, I drowned you in street puddle muck. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I don’t know why you didn’t step away when you saw the light turn green – I think maybe you were distracted by talking on the phone. It doesn’t matter, though, I should have been driving slower. Does it help at all that I didn’t realize the puddle was so deep? Does it help that I was going under 15 mph on purpose, to try and NOT drench you? Probably not. You looked really pissed.

Sorry, dude. I hope you had some dry pants in your truck. I also hope you didn’t take down my license plate number to seek revenge on me and all my living relatives.

One thought on “Dear City Worker,

  1. The Token Conservative was on the receiving end of a similar situation many, many years ago.
    After a typical New England snowstorm, he was walking on a busy road to his friend’s house, when all of the sudden he was drenched literally from head to toe in a dirty, slushy, cold, sandy, salty cascade of wintery mix, compliments of some asshole driver.
    The force of the avalanche hitting him actually made him stumble a little. All the poor Token Conservative could taste was salt and gritty sand, as he got a mouth full of the slushy stuff.
    Looking back now, it was pretty friggin funny, so, speaking from experience, the Token Conservative thinks it is safe to say that, in time, the drenched city worker will also find this incident very funny.


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