railroad spikes in ears
carving out my eye with spoon
more fun than Star Trek
I would like to take a moment to pause from my usual whining about feeling sick and panicking about Mystery Baby and general freaking out about how the wee-er one treats me like an abusive boyfriend treats his girlfriend (thanks to Tina Fey for that analogy).
I want to pause so that I can tell you how much, how incredibly, palpably much I HATE STAR TREK ENTERPRISE. The other Star Treks? Eh, I could take ’em or leave ’em. The Next Generation wasn’t too bad and I’ve been known to watch Janeway kick some ass late at night. But holy shit, Enterprise? With Scott Bakula? IT MAKES ME CRAZY. It is SO BAD. I mean, it’s so bad you can’t even make fun of it. It’s so bad it offends me that the Star Trek creators thought they could get away with it. It’s so bad that the idea that the Star Trek creators DID get away with it makes me want to hunt them down and strap them to chairs and force them to watch this poopy crap non-stop until they admit they took advantage of hapless Trekkies everywhere.
My husband, of course, loves this show. He watches it all the time. It is all over the TiVo, like a plague of sores that won’t heal.
Now, I am not a person to attack TV. I love TV. Even bad TV. Farmer Wants a Wife? Stupid, kind of offensive, great fodder for The Soup, and whatever. Tila Tequila, or whoever she is? Don’t care. But this shit? This Enterprise show? It makes me hate people. It makes me (gasp!) hate TV.
Couldn’t. Hate. It. More.
And it’s on right now. So I am listening to the Dead Milkmen and grimacing and wondering how my husband can stand this show. How can he stand it? HOW? It is a mystery. A mystery wrapped in an enigma, swallowed by a giant space horse and crapped out all over my TV screen.