Well, I’m tired

Still in the hospital, but hopefully for not much longer. I am just so tired. I can’t get enough rest. I’m sure it has something to do with having surgery after having been on bedrest for sooooooo long.

It’s also the pumping every 2-3 hours. I am starting to not like the pumping. I love that I’m able to pump and that my milk is in, or at least is coming in. But I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I never had to pump with my other pregnancies and so now I don’t know if I should pump until I’m empty or only pump for 15 or 20 minutes and then stop, or what. I need to find a good lactation consultant who specializes in super early babies. I am scared of getting all plugged up and/or getting mastitis. I can’t get sick because if I’m sick I can’t go to the NICU.

Also, I am stunningly short-tempered right now. Impatient, grouchy and not taking shit from anyone. I think all of my pent-up feelings about this whole situation are flooding out of me on a nice wave of postpartum emotion. It is not fun for people in the same room with me. So much crying. But maybe it will stop now that my milk is mostly in.

Enough about me.

Ike-a-saurus is on the nasal canula now, which is super fantastic. They keep saying he could destabilize at any minute, but for now, Yay! Canula! He still isn’t really digesting any of the expressed milk they put in his tummy, but the concern is not "Oh shit!" It’s more like a frustrated "crap!" Though we were told today that a 28-week baby isn’t ready to digest anything so it’s not a surprise or a major concern that the milk is staying put. It’s just a test to give him some digesting practice. Hopefully the practice will pay off.

I am beyond exhausted. I’m sure he is, too.

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15 thoughts on “Well, I’m tired

  1. Pumping does suck and yes, it would probably be good for you to talk to a LC. Breastfeeding is a pain in the arse too , as you well know. At least you milk is coming in adn you can start freezing and bring to the hospital when you get home. My mom did that when I was a preemie. Hang in there…. Yay canula!!!! : )

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  2. Oh, Kari. This has been quite a ride for you and not one person in the world in their right mind could blame you for pissy emotions right now. This is all going to continue to suck for a little longer until you are totally confident your little man is a-okay. And then when you find out he’s okay, you then get the free pass to be pissy about other things. Like not sleeping, pooping too much, screaming, etc.
    You rock. Hang in there, okay?!

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  3. I was a screaming crying mess with both kids three days after they were born, and we didn’t go through anything near what you did. Of course you’re pissy. It would be weird if you weren’t.

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  4. Did they give you a bunch of steroids to help the baby’s lungs? If so, thus, the crying and yelling. When McAlister was born, and Bonnie had been on steroids for 3 weeks, James came over to my house and said, “Is it normal for her to cry all the time?”!! You’ll get through it. We’re all so proud of what you have done for little Ike!!!

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  5. Hang in there, mama. You have quite a right to be irritable. Get it out. And know that there are a whole bunch of folks you’ve never even met (like me) rooting for your family every day.

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  6. Yes, if you can talk to an LC it’d help. My experience was this-pump for 10-15 min every 2 hrs around the clock. At first no, you won’t get much but as you keep at it you will get more. Oh, and there’s no substitute for a hospital grade breastpump! Its well worth paying to rent one.
    Looks like Ike is doing well! My babe took forever to get to the cannula and he was always pulling the vent and cpap out unless his hands were fastened down.

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  7. Girl, you deserve to be grumpy!! Grump away! Use the Austin Mamas — we will be there to hear your wrath, irritability, sobbing, whatever you can dish out!
    Maybe instead of delivering food we can send some random person that you can verbally lash out at, or perhaps smack around a little. 🙂

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  8. You have every right to be pissy! We’re all here to listen to you vent, momma 🙂 And yay for Ike and canulas!! I’ll keep sending mental “happy tummies and happy lungs” vibes your way.

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  9. A really good LC would help immensely. I’ve put in a note w/ a friend who is a very respected LC. I’ll see if I can get some advice/names from her.
    I pumped w/ Johanna, but only to get excess for the Milk Bank, so I don’t know the best protocol for you (how often, for how long). I do know that sticking with it is vital. Every time I took a break, for even a day, my supply lagged.
    I’m sure you’ve heard this, but get a GOOD pump. I assume you’re using a hospital pump now. If you don’t rent that, then IMO the Meleda Pump-in-Style is the best of the ones you can purchase.
    Hang in there!! I know this must be exhausting. We’re all still out here, thinking of you and praying for lots of milk…and poop! 🙂

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  10. You crab away, mama! Hopefully you’ll feel better when you’re out of cell block 8. Oo, I know what you need, a punching clown!!
    Go Ike! You can do it, braddah!

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  11. Hey,
    I’ve been reading your blog for a few years, and think I have commented once or twice.
    But, I’m super glad that you all have made it ok thus far.
    You did an awesome job, mama!

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  12. Hey Kari-
    Momma of a 30 weeker here…in Children’s for almost a year (ventilator, etc.) but pumped duing the WHOLE TIME! My advice? Rent the hospital grade pump for going home. The Pump-in-Style is good but for a preemie, you don’t want to screw around with your supply.
    Second thing…get some olive oil for your poor nipples. Yeah, sounds weird, but you dab a little on your nipples and pumping is SOOOO much easier!! Also my lactation consultant told me it is a natural antilfungal so you don’t have to worry if some of it is in the milk.
    Last thing? See if you can get on Reglan. Originally for stomach patients, it has the added side effect of increasing milk supply. I would not have been able to pump for year without it.
    Best of luck to you. I was told that the babies under stress in utero are naturally toughened/matured faster. Fingers crossed for you! -Jolene

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  13. Just a few questions- like are you using larger flanges when pumping and are you able to get Domperidone or Reglan from your OB?
    I’m Julie Holden’s friend, Kristine, the LC – just got back from out of town and saw this…
    call if you want to talk
    (512) 657 5657

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