I am impatiently waiting for the kids to get settled into bed so that my husband and I can go back to the NICU.
Isaac has been squirmy and crying today -much like his mama! I don’t think anyone is worried about his grouchiness other than me.
He’s been on his belly soaking up the bili lights and I’m wondering if I can bring in a small radio so he can relax and listen to the Horns whoop up on Florida Atlantic.
It’s funny that even as the days pass I still have a hard time believing Isaac is here and that I’m not pregnant anymore. I should still be pregnant.
It feels like he is not real or something. Does that sound strange? It doesn’t diminish my loving and aching and worrying about him, but I still have a hard time understanding that when I say his name I am talking about my own child. I am having a hard time reconciling that this is our situation – we are actually doing this. NICU, micro-preemie, the whole thing. It is somehow too real and not real all at the same time.
And man is my temper short. I don’t want to wait for things or people, I don’t want to still have to depend on everyone for everything. The exhaustion is pissing me off.
We are in the car now, off to the hoppital (as the wee-er one calls it). My pain meds made me nauseous so I am waiting for them to wear off and I am avoiding taking more. Probably not smart but the anti-nausea zofran is $430 for 10 pills so I will ache. I might as well have my insides and my outsides all be achy together.
On that note, I am not as baby-bluesy as I sound, just tired and impatient.
Ike awaits me. I can’t wait to get there and touch his fuzzy head.