I am impatiently waiting for the kids to get settled into bed so that my husband and I can go back to the NICU.

Isaac has been squirmy and crying today -much like his mama! I don’t think anyone is worried about his grouchiness other than me.

He’s been on his belly soaking up the bili lights and I’m wondering if I can bring in a small radio so he can relax and listen to the Horns whoop up on Florida Atlantic.

It’s funny that even as the days pass I still have a hard time believing Isaac is here and that I’m not pregnant anymore. I should still be pregnant.

It feels like he is not real or something. Does that sound strange? It doesn’t diminish my loving and aching and worrying about him, but I still have a hard time understanding that when I say his name I am talking about my own child. I am having a hard time reconciling that this is our situation – we are actually doing this. NICU, micro-preemie, the whole thing. It is somehow too real and not real all at the same time.

And man is my temper short. I don’t want to wait for things or people, I don’t want to still have to depend on everyone for everything. The exhaustion is pissing me off.

We are in the car now, off to the hoppital (as the wee-er one calls it). My pain meds made me nauseous so I am waiting for them to wear off and I am avoiding taking more. Probably not smart but the anti-nausea zofran is $430 for 10 pills so I will ache. I might as well have my insides and my outsides all be achy together.

On that note, I am not as baby-bluesy as I sound, just tired and impatient.

Ike awaits me. I can’t wait to get there and touch his fuzzy head.

7 thoughts on “Ike-a-saurus

  1. I know what you mean. I’ve actually thought the same kind of thing – as I’ve been reading about and keeping up with Isaac. Just saying his name feels wonderful and weird at the same time.
    The NICU gig is no fun – the back and forth. And I can’t imagine how much more difficult it is with your other kiddos at home.
    And, honey, I’d say you’re doing a fabulous job keeping it together. Any temper/crankiness/whatever is *more* than justified. ๐Ÿ™‚


  2. You have done an AMAZING job given the circumstances. You have every right to be exhausted and short-tempered!
    Thank you for the updates. We’re all getting used to thinking about him being here and being real.
    I send you and your entire family mental hugs every day ๐Ÿ™‚


  3. I felt that same surrealness with Penelope Jane and she wasn’t a preemie–just a new baby that was suddenly outside of me instead of inside where she belonged. That transition is a tough one for both baby and mama even in the best of situations–to pile all the NICU crap on top of it makes it even worse. Anyway..Ike-a-saurus looks fantastic, and I’m so happy to hear he’s fussy! Keep roaring, little dino!


  4. Hi Kari,
    We are thinking about you all over here and sending good thoughts.
    Wanted to let you know that I had the same problem with the cost of Zofran as I have no maternity coverage, but Costco has a generic version for $18 for 10 pills. You also might want to try MedSavers Pharmacy. Thought I would pass that on in case you needed it.


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