Ike-a-saurus


I am impatiently waiting for the kids to get settled into bed so that my husband and I can go back to the NICU.

Isaac has been squirmy and crying today -much like his mama! I don’t think anyone is worried about his grouchiness other than me.

He’s been on his belly soaking up the bili lights and I’m wondering if I can bring in a small radio so he can relax and listen to the Horns whoop up on Florida Atlantic.

It’s funny that even as the days pass I still have a hard time believing Isaac is here and that I’m not pregnant anymore. I should still be pregnant.

It feels like he is not real or something. Does that sound strange? It doesn’t diminish my loving and aching and worrying about him, but I still have a hard time understanding that when I say his name I am talking about my own child. I am having a hard time reconciling that this is our situation – we are actually doing this. NICU, micro-preemie, the whole thing. It is somehow too real and not real all at the same time.

And man is my temper short. I don’t want to wait for things or people, I don’t want to still have to depend on everyone for everything. The exhaustion is pissing me off.

We are in the car now, off to the hoppital (as the wee-er one calls it). My pain meds made me nauseous so I am waiting for them to wear off and I am avoiding taking more. Probably not smart but the anti-nausea zofran is $430 for 10 pills so I will ache. I might as well have my insides and my outsides all be achy together.

On that note, I am not as baby-bluesy as I sound, just tired and impatient.

Ike awaits me. I can’t wait to get there and touch his fuzzy head.

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7 thoughts on “Ike-a-saurus

  1. I know what you mean. I’ve actually thought the same kind of thing – as I’ve been reading about and keeping up with Isaac. Just saying his name feels wonderful and weird at the same time.
    The NICU gig is no fun – the back and forth. And I can’t imagine how much more difficult it is with your other kiddos at home.
    And, honey, I’d say you’re doing a fabulous job keeping it together. Any temper/crankiness/whatever is *more* than justified. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. You have done an AMAZING job given the circumstances. You have every right to be exhausted and short-tempered!
    Thank you for the updates. We’re all getting used to thinking about him being here and being real.
    I send you and your entire family mental hugs every day ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. I felt that same surrealness with Penelope Jane and she wasn’t a preemie–just a new baby that was suddenly outside of me instead of inside where she belonged. That transition is a tough one for both baby and mama even in the best of situations–to pile all the NICU crap on top of it makes it even worse. Anyway..Ike-a-saurus looks fantastic, and I’m so happy to hear he’s fussy! Keep roaring, little dino!

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  4. Hi Kari,
    We are thinking about you all over here and sending good thoughts.
    Wanted to let you know that I had the same problem with the cost of Zofran as I have no maternity coverage, but Costco has a generic version for $18 for 10 pills. You also might want to try MedSavers Pharmacy. Thought I would pass that on in case you needed it.
    Angi

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