I can’t think of a good title

I just found out that the baby who was Ike-a-saurus' neighbor in the NICU passed away on Christmas Eve. I don't know any details, it's just happenstance that I found out.

Our situations were very different and it's not fair for me to compare, but as a mother I find this just devastating. We constantly saw the doctors and nurses working so hard and so lovingly to take care of her, keep her stable, keep her comfortable….

In the NICU, you are keenly aware that what is happening with the other babies is none of your business. No one ever comes out and tells you this, it's just a thing you know. You can ask how the other babies are doing, chat with their parents in the elevator or waiting room, but for us, it was a very difficult, scary, private time. There is this look in the eyes of NICU parents… it is the "don't fuck with me" look. It is respected by everyone. So you don't really make friends with the other parents. Maybe you learn their names, but probably not. At least that's how it was for us. What was happening with the other little ones just wasn't any of my business.

So I don't know the family. I don't know the details. I don't know the story. I don't need to know it. Sick or healthy, preemie or term, young or old… losing a child is losing a child. We were too close to this reality. From the very beginning of my pregnancy, just too close.

It's just terrifying.

My heart goes out to the family. 

Such a thing they have gone through… I don't know what else to call it. A thing. A bad thing, but with good parts, and then with terrible parts.

I hope they will be OK.

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