An experiment

Last night, we got a little adventurous, and after some ventilator wrangling we managed to get a shirt on Ike. Boy did he like it. I also managed to let him "accidentally" latch on for about 15 minutes while I was rocking him. The attending asked very politely for me to stop it, so we stopped it. But it was very nice.

He slept well last night, and so did I.

Photo(11)

Chillaxin in the boppy

This morning, he was still pretty happy, but after some vigorous CPT he totally puked a gallon and a half of mucus all over his shirt and blanket and everything (tmi? Sorry). So we're back to no clothes, but that's OK. He was so happy last night and so was I. I hope we can figure out how to do that again.

Today has been more up and down than I'd like. A little too stressful. But still nothing like last week. I'm just so happy he looks like Ike-a-saurus again. No more puffy eyes and puffy face. No more drool from the paralytics. No more distended belly from having to be bagged so often. He finally has that pointy chin again, too.

There are still so many things to get used to. He doesn't make any noise when he cries or when he coughs, for one thing. And we are going to need some v-neck shirts. And there are a million other things. But I have to not worry about that now. I need to worry about getting rid of this MRSA and getting him off the vent. I need to worry about seeing the wee one and the wee-er one more than just a few minutes a day. Too much stuff to worry about from so many different angles.

Today I feel stressed out. I feel tense and weirdly angry. The nurse keeps telling me over and over that there is only another 6 hours worth of breastmilk in the fridge. That's no problem because I am still pumping and have some frozen milk at home I can bring, and we have an order for milk from the milk bank. We are covered. But it still stresses me out.

And this COBRA nonsense. The new legislation sounds wonderful, but no one knows anything about it. We already have Ike signed up for COBRA, but if we could reduce our costs and get the whole family covered again, that would be really great. Too bad no one knows what to do.

I am rambling now and it's time for me to get my shoes on and run home for a bit to see the kids. Ike's monitors are going off, though, and I don't want to leave him. But if I want to go I need to go because my husband is here and I can't drive myself because the fucking car broke. Since when do Nissan Altima's break? Only in the Haiku of the Day family.

OK, I'm off before the pity party starts. I don't want to do that. It's not very productive. Time for home and a shower and some kisses from the kids. If my husband can drag me out of here. 

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12 thoughts on “An experiment

  1. Per the COBRA stuff (you’re probably sick of hearing about it), here’s the relevant info that’s out there so far – it sounds like you sit back and wait and the company administering your COBRA coverage handles it:
    6. Notices of the COBRA subsidies and re-enrollment information will be sent from the COBRA administrator (usually your previous employer)
    7. Subsidies will be paid, via a refundable tax credit, directly to the COBRA administrators
    9. Subsidies will only apply to COBRA premiums paid after the effective date of February 17, 2009 and there will be no refund of premiums prior to this date.
    Hope ultimately it’s helpful for you guys!

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  2. I don’t blame you for feeling angry. I don’t think anyone can. Vent to us, then pour all your love into little Ike and the rest of your family.
    Hugs.

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  3. He looks so beautiful and peaceful. I’m just in awe of you and your family. I know you are just doing what you have to do, but your humor and fierce love is such an inspiration. So much love to you all.

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  4. Hi Kari,
    I don’t know if this will be helpful or not. I’m an AM but we’ve never met. I’m a lawyer, fwiw, and I’m not offering legal services (I do technology licensing – not really helpful), but sort of to be a personal secretary to get your COBRA crap sorted out with your man’s former employer so you don’t have to. You guys have enough on your plate. The part where me being a lawyer is helpful is that I think that lets me act as your agent, if you so designate, and they have to deal with me even though it’s your personal health information. Feel free to take me up on this. It’s something I can do from home. Hope this doesn’t come across as too invasive or presumptuous or … anything else that would be unhelpful to you right now. You can contact me at eahaltom at yahoo dot com.

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  5. It is truly amazing, how much bad luck is coming your way (thinking of the car problem).
    I just know you have a long run of good luck coming your way. Don’t know when, but it’s coming.

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  6. So glad the Ike man got to sneak in a little nuk-nuk last night (that’s what we call it at my house). And anger? You deserve to feel it. It’s all just part of processing the incredible crapstorm you’re going through right now.

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  7. Oh, I don’t know how you aren’t consumed with anger.. but I do know that there is so much love, so many prayers all headed your way. Rant, rave, let it all out, and then I hope you can feel what is being sent back your way from all of us out in the internet ether.
    It sounds like you need some of those wrap around baby shirts. They are like a little baby kimono, V-necked, and they don’t go over the head. If I had a way to send you some, I would.

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  8. I think you need to start buying lottery tickets because when your luck turns, it’s going to be BIG! I’m so glad you got some more Mommy and Ike time.

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  9. Well crap, now the stinkin’ car. Are you kidding me?? Be mad, you have every right. We’re here listening. I know I’m not alone in watching in wide wonder at your ability to handle all this. Big hugs.

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