Moon dust and unicorn farts

nuclear breakfast
plus inhaled unicorn farts
western med magic

True conversation:


Me: Hello?

Pharmacist: Is this the mom of Ike-a-saurus?

Me: Yep.

Pharmacist: You know that prescription your son's pulmonologist just called in?

Me: Yep. The inhaled antibiotic?

Pharmacist: Um. It costs $4,000. Did you know that?


Pharmacist: We don't keep it in stock, so I had to order it. We'll have it in tomorrow.

Me: HOLY CRAP. [long pause, followed by maniacal laugh-crying] HAHAHAHAHAHA

Pharmacist: Hello? Ma'am?


Pharmacist: Uh… we've faxed the paperwork for pre-authorization.

Me: Good luck with that!

Pharmacist: OK. Um. We'll let you know when the prescription is approved or denied.

Me: Hey. Can you tell me what that prescription is made of? Like for real. Is it an FBI secret or something? Moon dust and unicorn farts?

Pharmacist: I know. It's kind of expensive, isn't it?


[background noise – wee-er one singing "Hoe-lee crack!" "hoe-lee crack!"]

Me: You're right, wee-er one. Maybe it IS holy crack.

Pharmacist: Excuse me?

Me: Hmm?

Pharmacist: What?

Me: So you'll call me?

Pharmacist: Or your doctor will.

Me: You mean my loan officer?

Pharmacist: Excuse me?

Me: never mind

Pharmacist: Um. OK, then. Bye.

: Bye!

So there's that.

Also, next week, Ike-a-saurus gets to drink some radioactive milk so that we can see if he's aspirating his reflux. Gamma radiation and $4,000 medicine. I think we're turning into a comic book over here.

Maybe the radioactive milk will turn him into a mutant baby who can shoot money out of his ass.

Nuclear breakfast and inhalable moon dust unicorn farts. It really is never dull around here, is it?

12 thoughts on “Moon dust and unicorn farts

  1. I attest to the fact that the conversation was true and factual. We all said Holy Crack! a lot that evening. Anybody want a genuine Nolan Ryan-signed baseball? It’ll only cost you $4,001. Holy Crack! Gotta get something outta that deal (ha).


  2. Bloody hell. And I thought that fertility meds were expensive. But they are made of dried up Chinese hamster ovaries. Which you know are tiny and all. But, dang!


  3. Oh, come now… just print some of that money on your fancy printer. it’s not counterfeit if it’s for baby meds… right?


  4. There is no reason for medicine to cost that much. Ridiculous. I was just home, in Colombia, and was able to pick up a prescription that normally costs us $140/month for $45…the same stuff, same company, same strength. It’s not right.
    However, I do like the idea of a mutant baby who can shoot money out of his ass.


  5. yup, meds cost that much in the good ole’ USA. Scary. There are antibiotics that cost $5000 a dose, times 3 doses a day, times a minimum of 5 days. That totals $75,000 or the price of a smallish home in a decent area of Cleveland.
    Hugs to you and yours. None of this can be easy to deal with. Know that there are a lot of people out there pulling for you.


  6. This is worse than crazy. Like you don’t have enough to worry about without adding locating reasonably priced unicorn farts. AND we all know you have plenty in your lap without hunting the elusive creature. Please update us in ref to whether you found one or not. Hugs, best wishes and prayers to you and your entire family!


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