No ass money yet

red sparkly tummy
emanating from Isaac
wee baby sandwich

Today was the nuclear milk scan!

"I just put some gamma rays into his milk. Can you make sure he drinks it all quickly?" This is what the nuclear tech (Nucleist? Nucleographer?) said, handing over Ike-a-saurus' bottle.

I admit to be being very excited about the science behind this study. I wasn't thrilled to have to starve the wee man this morning, and then feed him radiation, and then strap him into a sarcophagus-type papoose thing, and sandwich him in between giant flat-iron-shaped hunks of machinery. But I WAS excited to hear all about gamma rays and the crystals in the machine that read the rays. I was excited to watch the red sparkles on the screen indicating Ike's tummy and bowel as the food moved through his system.

Cool science, though the experience itself was not super fun for anyone.

At one point, the tech had to hold a glass tube just under Ike's neck, so the machine could pick up the tube's "marker" and give some scale to the images on the screen. When the tech pulled the tube out of a fancy, probably leaded, container I was like, "Wow. I wish I had a Geiger counter." This earned me some funny looks. But then, when the guy dropped the glass tube on the floor and I yelled, "Yay! It's the radioactive laboratory accident that will turn us all into superheroes!" I got even funnier looks.

I guess when you play with gamma rays everyday they lose their appeal.

Anyway, we were hoping the test would give Ike the super power of shooting money out of his ass. So far, it's given him gas, but there's no sign of any money. Not even rubles or pesos.

He was (obviously) not a fan of the sarcophagus, but with the help of the (non-nuclear) glow worm, some Sweet Ease, and some very tight velcro straps, he managed to righteously suffer through the hour plus of having to have the gigantic flat-iron machine hunks mere inches from his face and booty.

Now we wait to hear from the doc to see if the test showed any indication Ike-a-saurus is aspirating his reflux. This would be a bad thing. Like finding out your mutation is of the giant-lame-feathery-wings variety. Except maybe worse. Because at least with giant lame wings you don't get pneumonia from your stomach juices.

I digress.

Takeaways from today:

1. Gamma rays, win.
2. Laboratory accidents that may or may not give you super powers, win.
3. Making a baby sandwich out of a giant flat iron, fail.
4. Suctioning said baby's trach with mere centimeters of clearance between said flat iron, fail.
5. Repeatedly saying "la-BOR-ah-tory" instead of "lab-rah-tory", win.
6. Starving baby, fail.
7. Watching tech freak out as gamma rays drip onto artificial nose, win.
8. Hearing story about kid who's stomach took 20 hours to empty, fail.
9. Learning that "eco-conscious" lighting effs up gamma ray machine's remote control, win.
10. Radioactive poop, fail.


2 thoughts on “No ass money yet

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