If my day was on NASA TV

ME: *shpsh* 
I'm, uh, grabbing this size 2 pamper here, over. *shpsh*

HUBS:  *shpsh* Do you have *shpsh* the wipes? *shpsh*

ME: *shpsh* Over on my left hand side *shpsh* I see them *shpsh*

NARRATOR: Kari is attempting to, uh, grab the diaper from her right side while simultaneously holding down a squirming child and protecting her face.

ME: *shpsh* gonna have to skip steps 6-8 *shpsh* Move straight to clean up *shpsh*

HUBS: Can I bring you a towel? *shpsh*

ME: *shpsh* And *shpsh* sanitizer please. *shpsh*

NARRATOR: A slight complication in the mission, as the child has both peed on his mother's arm and turned over on the changing table, attempting escape.

HUBS: *shpsh* I agree with your plan *shpsh* sanitizer ready. *shpsh* Good luck.

ME: *shpsh* diaper is *shpsh* successfully *shpsh* on.

HUBS: *shpsh* Ready to move *shpsh* on to trach care *shpsh*

ME: Let's do it. *shpsh*

NARRATOR: With the diaper successfully secured, the parentalnauts will attempt the tricky manuever of cleaning child's neck, replacing trach ties and polymem dressing, without dislodging trach.

HUBS: *shpsh* can you please hold *shpsh* the trach down *shpsh* while I remove the ties? *shpsh*

ME: Affirmative. *shpsh*

HUBS: *shpsh* One side down, one to go. *shpsh*

ME: Do you have *shpsh* the Nystatin powder? *shpsh*

HUBS: *shpsh* already applied to *shpsh* the new *shpsh* ties. *shpsh*

ME: Perfect. Nice job. *shpsh*

HUBS: *shpsh* Peroxide mixture handy? *shpsh*

NARRATOR: The clean-up activity continues, as the child's neck area is swabbed with a 50/50 mixture of hydrogen peroxide and sterile water and then swabbed again with just water.

ME: *shpsh* too much torque on the polymem. *shpsh* I think it will be fine with this tear, though. *shpsh*

HUBS: *shpsh* should be fine. *shpsh*

ME: New ties *shpsh* ready to *shpsh* be applied. *shpsh*

HUBS: *shpsh* copy. *shpsh* Do you have the paci? *shpsh*

ME: He won't take it *shpsh* he's too angry. *shpsh*

NARRATOR: The mission becomes precarious as the child is angered by the changing of the trach ties. His arms break loose from the swaddling, threatening the success of the mission.

HUBS: *shpsh* Is there a glow *shpsh* worm handy? *shpsh* Anything? *shpsh*

ME: *shpsh* I can *shpsh* flash my *shpsh* boobs.

HUBS: Win for *shpsh* both of *shpsh* us. [pause] *shpsh* trach ties secured.

ME: *shpsh* final tie tightening *shpsh* done. *shpsh* Mission complete. *shpsh*

NARRATOR: The child's trach care has now been completed. There will now be an attempt at feeding. At 2:12pm central time, the crew will attempt to administer 1ml oral Cipro to child. Surely, an arduous, yet historic event.

*shpsh*

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3 thoughts on “If my day was on NASA TV

  1. Fantastic delivery. Too funny. There was also wayward pee launched in my house today. Poor dog got hosed. Who knew a 6 month old could pull that kind of distance?

    Like

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