It is time to stop
when they stretch out like taffy
without bouncing back
Well, I think it's time to quit. Hooking myself up to the Princess Bride "I have just sucked a year of your life away" torture device every 2-3 hours a day for the past TEN AND A HALF MONTHS has worn me out.
The pumping is done.
Well, it's not done yet, but it will be soon. I really wanted to make it until Ike-a-saurus' first birthday, but y'all, I can't take the pumping much longer. In fact, I'm sorry we're renting the damn thing, because when I'm done I would like to run over it with the car. And then set it on fire. And then run over it again.
Admittedly, I probably wouldn't be stopping if my doctor would refill my prescription for Domperidone. But there's apparently some kind of rule about not using it for more than four months or something like that. So now that I'm off the dom, my supply is tanking. And when I think of that, combined with the inevitable stress the Cincinnati trip will cause, I just don't think I can keep a decent supply going, even if I try all the herbs and whatnot (which, frankly, after all this time, I am loathe to do).
One thing that's helping me feel a little better is that we still have a prescription for milk from the milk bank. So as long as they have plenty in stock we'll still get enough milk to keep Ike-a-saurus on a mama-milk diet. It's not a guarantee, and their supply is limited, but it's something.
Still, though, I can't help but feel a little bad. I HATE to stop just before the Big Bad Fall and Winter of the Swine Flu Apocalypse. It seems like that's when he's going to need those breastmilk antibodies the most. But, really, I just can't keep doing it that long. I have to hope that the milk bank has enough milk and that it's chock full of apocalypse-battling antibodies.
On the other hand, I've made a Pro list for stopping, and it's very appealing:
2) uninterrupted sleep
3) Not having to acquire a jigsaw to cut two holes in my mattress so I can sleep on my stomach without worrying about crushing my boobs.
6) the real Pill that actually works
7) non-disgusting, non-over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders
8) no longer having to hear the pump alarm on my phone
And yet, the con list, while short, is compelling:
1) No more mama's antibodies for Ike
Ah well. I know it's time to stop. And, honestly, I'm pretty happy about it. No more pump? Hooray! It does feel a little selfish, but 10 1/2 months is a really long time. And by the time I've "weaned" it will be closer to 11 1/2 I imagine. It's driving me crazy to not make it a year, but you know how when you get an idea and it won't go away? Not pumping is that idea for me.
I want to be done.
But I want Ike to be OK.
It's hard, but I think it's right.