The time is nigh

It is time to stop
when they stretch out like taffy
without bouncing back

Well, I think it's time to quit. Hooking myself up to the Princess Bride "I have just sucked a year of your life away" torture device every 2-3 hours a day for the past TEN AND A HALF MONTHS has worn me out.

The pumping is done.

Well, it's not done yet, but it will be soon. I really wanted to make it until Ike-a-saurus' first birthday, but y'all, I can't take the pumping much longer. In fact, I'm sorry we're renting the damn thing, because when I'm done I would like to run over it with the car. And then set it on fire. And then run over it again.

Admittedly, I probably wouldn't be stopping if my doctor would refill my prescription for Domperidone. But there's apparently some kind of rule about not using it for more than four months or something like that. So now that I'm off the dom, my supply is tanking. And when I think of that, combined with the inevitable stress the Cincinnati trip will cause, I just don't think I can keep a decent supply going, even if I try all the herbs and whatnot (which, frankly, after all this time, I am loathe to do).

One thing that's helping me feel a little better is that we still have a prescription for milk from the milk bank. So as long as they have plenty in stock we'll still get enough milk to keep Ike-a-saurus on a mama-milk diet. It's not a guarantee, and their supply is limited, but it's something.

Still, though, I can't help but feel a little bad. I HATE to stop just before the Big Bad Fall and Winter of the Swine Flu Apocalypse. It seems like that's when he's going to need those breastmilk antibodies the most. But, really, I just can't keep doing it that long. I have to hope that the milk bank has enough milk and that it's chock full of apocalypse-battling antibodies.

On the other hand, I've made a Pro list for stopping, and it's very appealing:

1) Cheese
2) uninterrupted sleep
3) Not having to acquire a jigsaw to cut two holes in my mattress so I can sleep on my stomach without worrying about crushing my boobs.
4) Xanax
5) tequila
6) the real Pill that actually works
7) non-disgusting, non-over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders
8) no longer having to hear the pump alarm on my phone

And yet, the con list, while short, is compelling:

1) No more mama's antibodies for Ike

Ah well. I know it's time to stop. And, honestly, I'm pretty happy about it. No more pump? Hooray! It does feel a little selfish, but 10 1/2 months is a really long time. And by the time I've "weaned" it will be closer to 11 1/2 I imagine. It's driving me crazy to not make it a year, but you know how when you get an idea and it won't go away? Not pumping is that idea for me.

I want to be done.

But I want Ike to be OK.

It's hard, but I think it's right.

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12 thoughts on “The time is nigh

  1. You gotta remember that those stress hormones get to your milk just like the antibodies, so if you’re done, be done and know what a blessing you’ve given him all this time. Hugs and Kisses to you all!

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  2. Listen, that boy’s got his own immune system now and it’s more effective than your second-hand antibodies; in fact after the past 10 1/2 months it’s probably pretty killer. Your sanity is not worth the wee bit of extra immunity he could get from you at this stage.

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  3. This post brings back really strong emotional memories of weaning my daughter just two months ago. It was bitter sweet for me and we donn’t have the difficult medical circumstances that you do.
    My best to you as you bring this decision to fruition.

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  4. Good luck! We are getting ready to cross this bridge too- not sure how we’re going to handle- we don’t have the pumping and medical issues to deal with either. BTW- if you wanted to continue… have you tried just eating oatmeal? My supply has never been as good as when my brother in law was here and made enough oatmeal cookies for an army. We won’t talk about what that did to other parts of my anatomy, but the milk was a flowing! 🙂

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  5. I stopped pumping around 10 months, although I was able to nurse in the morning and at night until 13 months. Something about not getting any out just makes it SO NOT WORTH IT. (I had supply issues once my period came back.)
    Best of luck.

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  6. I saw a bumper sticker once that summed up my thoughts on breasfeeding…
    “I make milk, what’s your super power?”
    When I realized it was time to stop…I was kinda crazy about it. I just kept thinking “what if I change my mind?” I pumped for months.
    And even, based on some medical issues, when it became apparent that my LO wasn’t gonna go back to breastfeeding, I was loathe to let it go.
    But guess what? It ROCKS not to have to pump. And by 6mos, Ike started getting his own immune system, so 10.5 or 11.5 months is great! Kudos!

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  7. Kari, how you have managed to deal with everything that you have and keep on pumping for Ike qualifies you for Heroic Mom of the Century award. You’re a dedicated, amazing mom, and there’s no need for you to feel one iota of guilt over your decision to end pumping. You’ve earned the right to have your boobs back….even though they’re not the same ones you started with. Lets have a tequila toast to our pre-nursing boobs!

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  8. Seriously! 10+ months of pumping?! That’s amazing — you are amazing. I am reliving the relief I felt when I accepted that I was done with nursing — on to remembering it all fondly : P

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  9. I too plan on running over and backing back over the stupid pump when I am done. Shall I send mine down to you so you can set it on fire too? Truly, I am looking forward to destroying that damn thing. Nonetheless, good for you for making it so long. It is a huge PITA no matter how you slice it. You rock!

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  10. It is absolutely heroic that you made is this far, what with all y’all have been through. I really DID feel like I had a superpower when I nursed my kiddo — at first, especially, it was that hard — and I had no issues whatsoever. It was STILL hard.
    Now go wash down a couple of Xanax with some Cuervo.

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